


The Mugiwara Crew And You: Female Reader

by Mossybrows, SelfAngst



Series: One Piece Adventures! [1]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst and Humor, Attempted Murder, Eventual Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Kidnapping, M/M, Murder, Murder Mystery, My First Fanfic, Platonic Relationships, Sexual Tension, Shipping, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Yaoi, maybe kinda funny
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-07-25 20:35:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7546679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mossybrows/pseuds/Mossybrows, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelfAngst/pseuds/SelfAngst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are an official, long-time member of the Straw Hat Crew, joining sometime during the mess between Usopp, the crew, Franky House and Robin’s rescue and this is an adventure where you get thrown into an AU along with some crew members and your job is to find everyone and somehow make it back to your own world and the Thousand Sunny. </p><p>There are 3 versions, depending on who is reading. Neutral can be read by either male of female protagonists (NAKAMASHIP!), female protagonist version will have you with Zoro and Sanji, and male protagonist version will have you with Nami and Robin!</p><p>NO ROMANCE BETWEEN READER AND ANY CHARACTERS. ROMANCE BETWEEN CHARACTERS DUE TO READER CHARACTER HELPING THINGS ALONG IS PRESENT.</p><p>Contains a lot of confusion, a murder mystery, and the original Strawhats running into their AU!versions! Just as ridiculous and nonsensical as the series, though the original will always be best! Also you get Law as a special guest messing with his AU!self just for fun!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This Is Our Crew

**Author's Note:**

> Female: Meant for Zoro or Sanji, or Zoro and Sanji fangirls (even more enjoyable if you ship ZoSan or SanZo). There will be eventual smut and I'm hoping to develop the AU!relationship between Zoro and Sanji more later on in the fic! Meanwhile, you as the reader get to enjoy being a part of a modern murder mystery while getting to show off the weirdness and insane piratey proportions of the shitty-cook and swordsman!! I hope I don't butcher this.
> 
> Female Protag POV and Omni-POV will be used to tell the story in a more coherent manner! (I hope) Nakamaship with some Zoro and Sanji feelings. Based after reuniting on Sabaody and shortly after Punk Hazard, before Dressrosa. The first chapter is essentially setting the mood and the character the reader gets to play as! I hope you enjoy and please do leave feedback!
> 
> You get to babysit Zoro and Sanji in the next chapter, and I'll be introducing the Modern!AU and it's Mugiwara Crew as well! (Though they won't be a pirate crew haha) I hope you enjoyed! Please do leave feedback!  
> And while you're still here, a HUUUUUUUGE thank you to shitcook-idiotswordsman for being a wonderful beta reader for this chapter! Do visit her on tumblr, especially if you ship or love Zoro and Sanji!  
> Love,  
> P4perCake

 

**Reader POV**

Truth. That was all you had been searching for—all you wanted in your life was to know the true story behind everything you encountered, to record it. One day, people would read your stories and know that there is always more to a person than what the damned World Government wanted them to believe. But sometimes…truth was indeed stranger than fiction, and other times, it was made better by a little bit of fiction.

 

Though, you’re sure your father would’ve never expected you to wind up here, on the deck of the Thousand Sunny, recording the amazing and unbelievable, yet very true adventures of the Mugiwara Crew. Never expected that you would be writing here, with a cold drink of the finest quality made by the hands of only the number one first-class cook of the sea, precipitation slowly dripping onto the wood a finely crafted work table custom-made with all the expertise of an expert shipwright.

 

He’d never believe would be sipping said drink with a sleeping (but usually very lively and chatty) reindeer on your lap, snoozing the day away as a hand, like a ghost, appears on the back of your chair to take some of your finished notes and pass it onto another hand, and another, and another, until they finally reached the woman who owned said appendages, down on the deck below.

 

Never expecting that you would be smiling a ‘welcome’ back to said woman’s ‘thank you’ smile, as the smell of olive oil mixed into the breeze from the kenshi’s routine of cleaning and maintaining his katanas just a few feet away from you as he too, seeks shelter from the summer sun beneath the mikan trees. Or believe you would be admiring his dedication, while listening to the best sniper you’d ever seen, sing a broken, pathetically yet ridiculously adorable tune to the beautiful, cheerful music played by a walking, living skeleton, currently balancing dangerously on the ropes on the mast (Nami was bound to scold him if he fell into the ocean again, that’d be the third time this week).

 

Yet there you were. And you couldn’t be happier. It was so peaceful—

 

“Usopp!” Nami screeched from her lounge chair beneath the wide, colorful umbrella. “Knock it off, you’re noisy!”

 

Ah. Yes. You knew what was coming next.

 

“NAMI-SWAN SAID KNOCK IT OFF, LONG NOSE!” Yup, there came Sanji.

 

“So noisy. Yell a little louder, your blood will come shooting out from your nose again.” Zoro piped up. “Then it’ll be my total win.”

 

“Ah, that was wonderful.” Robin commented cooly. “On fishman island—it was my first time seeing a crimson fountain, and in the shape of a mermaid as well.”

 

“WHAT WAS THAT, MARIMO-HEAD?!” Sanji bristled, baring his teeth, while the cigarette miraculously stayed suspended in the air long enough for him to bite back down on it when his lips finally came together again.

 

Ah.

 

Zoro flared up, turning his full attention from polishing Wado Ichimonji carefully, to viciously holding it tight in his grip, fully intending to use it on the cook. “WHAT DID YOU CALL ME, MISTER NOSEBLEED?!”

 

Uh oh.

 

You grab your things and Chopper from your lap and dive out of your chair, away from your quaint little workstation beneath Nami-san’s mikan trees.

 

CRASH!

 

“WANDERING MOSS!”

 

“MUSTACHE EYEBROW!”

 

Yup. There goes your worktable.

 

“GOOD THING THOSE TWO YEARS BUFFED YOU UP, THERE’LL BE MORE MEAT FOR THE FLAMBE I MAKE OF YOU!”

 

“TRY IT, KUSO-COOK! YOU’LL BE THE ONE IN PEICES WHEN I’M DONE!"

 

“Aaaah…” you groan at the site of your stationary scattered all over the grassy bed, a pen and your scissors going so far as to fall to the grassy field below. “I appreciate the entertainment you two, but stop breaking my things!”

 

“OI! YOU BETTER NOT DAMAGE ANY OF MY ORANGES!” Nami spawned seemingly magically between them, raging in all her terrifying glory.

 

And then came the lightning. It’s a spectacular sight really, every time it happens. You laugh out a hearty laugh at the blinding light and the roasted visages of your favorite pair of idiots. You sigh—maybe you’ll get some time to finish the story on the next island.

 

You stifle a giggle and come over to the fallen two-thirds of the monster trio. “Aaah! Marimo-kun, Sanji-kun, are you okay?!” Going so far as to exaggeratedly get on your knees to look at them closer.

 

Zoro grumbled, twitching from the electrocution. “Don’t say that…wh-when you were laughing so—gah—happily earlier…”

 

“S-so thoughtful as always…the only thing that can compete with your thoughtfulness is your blinding beauty…” Sanji choked out, his throat probably singed from the shock.

 

“Hah, sou da na.” you say to Zoro first, “If there was a brain in there, it would’ve fried a long time ago from all those lightning strikes.”

 

And just like said lightning, Zoro was on his feet and the next thing you know you’re being hauled off the floor by the back of your shirt. “WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, PEST!?”

 

Pest was one of the regular nicknames you were called, in particular by the wandering lawn-head, which made sense—either way, you never and will never like it. “WHO’RE YOU CALLING A PEST, YOU WALKING FLOWERBED!”

 

From where you’re dangling as he holds you up (curse his massive body and overwhelming height!), you barely manage to avoid kicking or punching his face with how you flail about, trying to grab him.

 

“FLOWERBED?!” he exclaimed, and you can just see the blue flames making their way out from between his sharpened teeth as he yells right back at you.

 

“Ah-…” you stop your flailing and hang there, blinking. “Come to think of it, there are no flowers on your head.”

 

Usopp chimes in, suddenly next to the both of you, he folds his arms and nods thoughtfully. “Hm-hm. You’re right. There are no flowers on Zoro’s head. So that means…”

 

You and Ussop both say in unison. “You’ve failed as a flowerbed?”

 

The silence that accompanies this question immediately settles in and stretches on longer than you expect it to, both you and the sniper holding your breaths as everyone turns their attentions to the swordsman, waiting for his answer.

 

“Okay.” he says, his resolve as solid as the sudden dark aura that shadows his one visible eye in a frightening manner. “I’m throwing you both overboard.”

 

Instantly you break into a cold sweat. “EEEEEEEH?!” Now, the struggle was real! “NO, NO, NO! DON’T YOU DA—“

 

“DON’T YOU DARE!” Sanji finishes for you, serving a mighty kick alongside the warning.

 

If it had been aimed at a normal human, the impact from his tougher-than-steel leg would’ve completely shattered skull and scrambled brains. But as you expect, Zoro’s head simply tilts forward at such a speed that could’ve broken the average neck. With a pained grunt he drops you and turns to seethe teal flames at the cook.

 

“DON’T BUTT IN HIGE-MAYUGE!”

 

“FAILED FLOWERBED!”

 

And again, as you expect, the yelling continues. You hear a small voice and feel fur against your leg and look down to see Chopper rubbing his eyes. “Ah-gomen, gomen.” you pick him up and turn to walk over to the other side of the mikan trees to let Chopper nap again. “Did they wake you?”

 

“Mmm…” Chopper mumbles cutely—you love him for it.

 

What you forget to expect is the hard impact on your lower back that sends Chopper flying out of your arms at discombobulating speed. The only warning as to the source of the impact you get is the sight of rubbery arms before your face is promptly obscured by the masculine, bare chest of Zoro. Your back isn’t faring any better, as the sharp impact against your spine and the outlined shape that it comes in, tells you that it was Sanji’s face.

 

“HEEEEEEEY YOU GUYS LOOK LIKE YOU’RE HAVIN’ FUN BACK HERE, LET ME JOOIIIIIIIIIIN!”

 

“LUFFY!” Sanji almost screams, cut off by the rubber man’s arm wrapping around not only his mouth but most of his body as you all fly.

 

“OII!” Zoro actually screams, just before his breathing is almost completely cut off by the rubber leg coiling around his waist—how Luffy was still so mobile while in midair always surprised you.

 

All thoughts are cut off when, the hard wood of a mikan tree collides with your nose…and the resounding crack makes everyone on the ship freeze. You fall on the deck, dizzy.

 

Well, now Sanji wasn’t the only one around here having nosebleeds anymore.

 

. . .

 

 

“Eeeeh, but I’m bored! The next island isn’t until tomorrow afternoon!” Luffy whined at you. “Boo! Tell me a story! Tell me a story, boo!”

 

A well-aimed kick to the back of the captain’s head had his neck stretching almost to the bow of the ship.

 

“Woah!” You blink as it snaps back to it’s place, leaving the rubber-boy dizzy on the ground. “Haha! That still impresses me no matter how many times I see it.”

 

“Oh!” Sanji swoons, handing you another tissue. “You don’t have to compliment me, my delicate flower!”

 

Luffy mumbles something and you can barely make it out. “Flying…toast…with butter.”

 

“Ahahaha! I meant Luffy’s stretchiness.” you laugh and take the tissue, removing the bloodied one from your nose and replacing it, before adding. “Eh? You mean butterflies, Senchou-san?”

 

“That’s a very bad pun, you stretchy tapioca.” Sanji growls, nudging his captain with the tip of his shoe. “Why butterflies?”

 

“Give it here!” Chopper pipes up, holding his hand out towards you for your tissue, looking less worried but still not as cheery as you’d like. “I have to make sure this is disposed of properly!”

 

He was right, the last time you threw something with your blood overboard, it summoned a ghost ship out of the water. It seems that some of your mother’s demonic blood did in fact course through your veins. Unlike Brook’s ghost ship way, way back on Thriller Bark was home only to the jolly, friendly skeleton, this ship was filled with a malicious zombie crew, straight from Davy Jones’ locker. Not that any of your crewmates would understand the reference.

 

“Does it still hurt?” Chopper asks a little meekly.

 

You smile at him apologetically as he throws the tissue in with the rest of the biological waste to be incinerated later. “It’s fine, Choppa-kun. It doesn’t really hurt anymore.”

 

“That’s because I gave you pain killers! Your nose almost broke!” Chopper’s eyes get teary and you feel some guilt prick on your heart. “I already told Luffy to be more careful, but you should watch out too, ok?”

 

“Sugoi!” you compliment him, knowing it would very much stop him from worrying. “It’s because you’ve treated me so well that I don’t feel any pain!”

 

At that, the tiny reindeer blushes and starts doing his adorable wriggly dance. “It doesn’t make me happy when you say that, you bastard!”

 

It was weird that no matter who said it, the kid called them a bastard. That was something you would need to remember to write in detail in your chronicles later. But it’s the voice of the swordsman that distracts you from your thoughts. You can’t help but turn your head at the sound of his baritone voice when he speaks, right to where he’s laying casually against the same mikan tree that did your nose in, hand pillowing his head.

 

“If you’d watch out more and stop looking down at your papers all the time, you’d be hurt less.” Zoro comments, not even bothering to open his eyes to look at you.

 

“That’s too much coming from you, shit-for-brains.” Sanji snarls, lighting up another death-stick. “How many times have you been beaten up and still you go charging in like an angry bull? You wanna die?”

 

Zoro doesn’t bite back though, sometimes he didn’t. Instead, he stands up and turns to make his way towards the back of the ship.

 

“I wouldn’t be careless enough to die, especially not from nasal bloodloss.” he says cooly—too cooly in fact.

 

Sanji ‘tsks’ and grumbles. “Shitty Marimo trying to make jokes.”

 

And there it was. That moment. That really-rosey-shoujo-and-yet-not-quite-romantic-but-close-enough-for-ships moment. God. It always, always drove you nuts. You could drool. You could die. You could die from drooling too much—whereas Sanji would die from nosebleeds, you’d go out much less elegantly.

 

“Make sure not to bump into anything else, okay!” Chopper lightly scolds and hands you some painkillers to keep on your person.

 

“I know, I know!” You grin, taking the meds and putting them in your back pocket. “Thanks again, Choppa-kun!”

 

In all your time reading stories and reviewing work, you never, ever enjoyed the fan fictions those damned fangirls published on the gull-correspondence about these two. They were everywhere! Having researched the Mugiwara Crew extensively, you were bound to discover that there not only was a rabid fanbase following them like idols (like that Bartolomeo), but they very, very, shamelessly and freely shipped all their crew members with each other.

 

“Madame, would you fancy some tea to calm your nerves?” Sanji asked, already holding a tray of hot sweet manjou-cha (a tea made from a rare fruit he was very excited to find on the last island), with some lait-nyuu.

 

God forbid if you ever found a fan fiction about yourself and someone else on the crew, but you’d stopped looking for them a long time ago, so that was no longer a fear…or well…you stopped looking for most of them anyway.

 

You smile wide and take the milk from the tray, pouring almost all of it into the tea and stirring it before taking it off the tray. “Thanks, Sanji-kun!” You take a sip and as always, it was just perfect! “Just the way I like it!”

 

“You grace me with such praise!” Sanji said—though he knew, and you knew he knew, anything he made was going to be beyond perfect.

 

The ZoroXSanji and SanjiXZoro ones were just too good to pass up…and you knew that now you really, really, really needed to read one.

 

You grin and stare after Sanji’s wide back, smiling softly to yourself as you turn to hear the clank, clank of Zoro’s insanely heavy weights. It was time to get back to your writing.

 

After all, the folks back home wouldn’t believe any of the tales of the time you’d spent in this world, despite being one of the few Chroniclers tasked with documenting history. The mysteries of these eoceans of course played in part to that—but it was the Mugiwara crew in itself that was just so awe-strikingly outrageous. Just like a fairy-tale—

 

_“I’m a Chronicler.” you declared to Luffy, your fists are clenched tight, your teeth gritted together as you stare at him in desperation. “All my life I’ve been writing stories of different worlds I’ve travelled to but…out of every single one, this is the best!”_

_Luffy regards you, that look on his face, with his signature straw hat hooding shadows over his usually bright and cheerful eyes. You swallow, shaking your head._

_“No, that’s wrong…out of everywhere I’ve been…I feel most at home with you, you and everyone else!” you declare. “What Im saying is…I’m going to help you rescue Robin! So please, let me stay with you guys!”_

_He grins. That stupid, wide grin that you wonder is wide because he was made of rubber or because the kid just knew how to smile the way he smiled. Nobody else in all the other universes could ever smile like that, you decide. Only Luffy._

_“I see!” he laughs. “So then, you’re our nakama now!”_

_“Eh?” you blink. “Naka…ma…?”_

_“Ah but, isn’t your dad waiting for you to come home?” he points out—proving that despite the fact that he was quite the idiot sometimes, he did not only pay attention, but knew more than he let on. “Aren’t you helping him with his research?”_

_You laugh. “It’ll be fine. This world seems to be smack dab in the middle of all the other ones, so, it’ll be easier for me to research how they interact with each other anyway…And someone needs to let the people know all the lies the World Government is telling! I won’t rest until all their secrets are mine!”_

_Though it was true, it was mostly an excuse to stay. And yet, as he could always tell, Luffy understood that the fire burning in your gut for your dream of truths was very much as real as his dream of becoming Pirate King._

_“Yosh!” he nods, the straight look in his eye tells you he wouldn’t take no for an answer now anyway._

 

You take a deep breath at the memory of when you’d first met your rambunctious captain. Thoughts drift from your nakama one by one, then to your father.

 

“Dad.” You say quietly, looking up at the sky, the Mugiwara jolly roger flying proudly against the blue hue. “I promise, I’ll tell you all about it when I get home, so please forgive me.”


	2. Secret Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You spend time shopping for sake and other things at the next island with Zoro and Sanji, but there's a storm coming later that evening. Law however seems to have other plans than letting you peacefully enjoy time with your boys!
> 
> I do mention a couple other fanfictions in the story, so shoutout to VioletHyena and Stark_Black for writing such amazing fics! Regadless of what 'reader' character thinks, I just love, love, looooved your work! Please write more! ;u; *bows* Onegaishimasu!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This'll be the same perspective as the last chapter, but there'll be more Omni-POV coming starting with the next! If you're still here after the mess that was Chapter 1, thank you! (I hope you're enjoying my work >///

**Reader POV:**

 

This was just one guilty pleasure that was a part of your collection of secrets. Out of all the worlds, there was a special one, a small planet in the middle of a strange collection of stars called the Milky Way, which had technology like you’ve never seen before. Well, other worlds had the more advanced tech, but what really, really drew you was the mind-boggling fact that they not only followed the adventures you and the rest of the _Mugiwara_ Crew were having, but that they thrived on capitalizing on merchandise related to said stories!

 

Currently, you had not only required this piece of machinery called a ‘laptop’ from said world, but also several ‘virtual’ sort of games. Or well, video games, whatever they were called. It was fascinating how entire simulations of worlds, people and creatures could be stored on such a small program! That programs even existed!

 

You were opened up to a ‘program’ called Steam, and admiring the latest downloadable content for a game that was the centre of your guilty pleasure titled “One Piece Pirate Warriors 3”. The notes of your adventures that made it back home via Loophole Mail undoubtedly prompted most of the accuracy in the production of this particular game. An associate back on the Milky Way Planet was an expert in the production of these Steam Games and were more than eager to profit off some of the stories you sent him.

 

For your end, you very shamelessly enjoyed a lot of the games he helped produced, so his exploitation of your documentations wasn’t anything to care about.

 

Especially because it was thanks to his genius that you were now staring at something that was undeniably, the sexiest, most adrenaline-inducing thing you’d ever seen. But there was no way you would ever get to see it in real life. There was no way…was there?

 

Zoro’s inner thigh. Zoro’s rippling, muscular, inner thigh, flexed as he widened his stance for a _Santoryuu_ technique, peaking out devilishly. Teasing from under the silk robes of the kimono that very sinfully made him look almost naked, boing worn up only on one side at the top, and flying openly every time the man took a step. Zoro always, always looked good in traditional clothes, but THIS was just amazing!

 

Then there was Sanji’s outfit from your very most recent encounter with the legendary ex-Marine Zephyr, who had introduced himself as “ _Zetto_ ” when you had met him, like some terrible tacky villain out of one of your fantasy books. The outfit was officially titled “Film Z” skin—film? There was a film? God, you had to see that, especially because you would get to see Sanji’s lean, muscular chest and long, long legs wrapped tight in those hot red pants. Sanji looked good as a pirate, despite labeling himself as simply the cook of the ship and never outrightly referring to himself and the word ‘ _kaizoku_ ’ in the same sentence.

 

They were the best custom skins you’d ever seen in a video game. And it was killing you.

 

Goddamn, between this and your latest fanfic, you were more than head over heals for this ship; not The Sunny of course, though you’d yet to disembark despite having already docked. What was it again that they called it in that world? Ah yes, _ZoSan_. Or _SanZo_ …whichever came first.

 

“Aaaaah…” you sigh, imagining a sinister-looking Zoro leaning in a little too close to a blushing, but snarling Sanji. “Aaaaah…. _subarashiiii_ … _atashi_ _no_ _husbandos_ …”

 

The scar over Zoro’s eye, (though it terrified you at first) made Zoro’s smirk look even more devilish than before, his large, now almost hulking mass bet forward in such a powerful, assertive way towards his blonde prey. Sanji in turn, had his neck muscled pulled taught in his grimace that mismatched against his red blush that was partially hidden underneath the bangs which had previously been swept over the other eye, but now the fact that it hid his expression of embarrassment made it all the more picture perfect.

 

Damn. It was so much more fun to ship them now that they had matured into very distinctly different body types—you of course, simply adored both.

 

Aaaah, your boys. You wonderful, perfect, adorable boys.

 

“What’s with that face? It’s creepy.” Zoro’s very real and very flat voice snaps you out of your daze and you realize you’re staring at him. “Looks like a deep sea fish.”

 

Only now does it register that your elbows are on your worktable and your palms are upturned against your cheeks, cradling your head in that ’daydreaming schoolgirl crushing on her senpai look’ (you got that expression from reading too much manga from that Milky Way planet.)

 

“Eh-ah.” you blink, brows furrowing together defensively—mostly to hide what you were just thinking about and how the (very pleasant and handsome sight) of Zoro’s face connected all to well. “I wasn’t looking at you, I was thinking about something and you’ve made me lose focus…AND WHO’RE YOU CALLING A DEEP SEA FISH?! So meaaaaaan!”

 

Shit. Did he hear what you said? He better had not.

 

Zoro this time however, doesn’t pick a fight with you and instead gestures with his thumb towards the island. “We’re getting off here so that Franky can dock _Sunny_ - _go_ in some caves. Nami said to get your ass moving.”

 

“Where’s Sanji- _kun_?” you inquire—normally, Sanji would be more than happy to be the one to not only inform you of anything, but also enthusiastically escort you as a plus.

 

“Your hand-servant got all excited about doing some shopping, he’s in the galley doing…whatever.” Zoro nonchalantly waves you off as he turns to make his way down towards the rooms and get ready to disembark.

 

You frown after him. “Hm, you could be a little nicer about it.” You mutter without really meaning, when you stop and stare at the image of a barely-clad-in-a-fancy-silk- _kimono_ image of Zoro on your screen.

 

Your heart almost stops. If the swordsman had been even a little more inclined to inform you about disembarkation and had been just a bit closer, he would’ve seen it. You unceremoniously slam your laptop down, a red blush undoubtedly spreading across your cheeks and you can feel sweat forming on your temples.

 

“Shit, that close.” you swallow.

 

If Zoro or Sanji ever found out about your weird shipping habits of ogling either one of them every chance you got, you’d never be able to get away with it ever again. That would’ve been the worst.

 

Usopp’s voice reaches you as he passes by, the expression on your face giving you away. “What a scary expression.”

 

You pull your biggest grin and turn to him. “Eh? Ah, sorry! I was just thinking about not having enough _Beli_ to buy any new clothes lately!”

 

“O-oh.” Usop stutters, going to slightly weirded out to just plain disappointed, “You could be more normal about it.” he says as he walks away. “You looked like a deep sea fish.”

 

Hah? Seriously?

 

“Fuu…” you slowly breathe, getting up from your table. “Stay cool, stay calm…be professional. You’re a professional Chronicler, an observer.”

 

An observer? Yeah right. You’re a damned eye-rape pervert who gets off on staring at Sanji’s taut ass and long, looooong legs whenever he stretched those thighs apart to a point that would make anyone else break in half and Zoro’s hardened, bread-bun abs and his deliciously massive pectorals that bulged every time he took a damn breath…you think miserably as you mentally slap yourself.

 

Well, at least the new island would be entertaining enough to distract you from thinking too perverted thoughts around the duo.

 

Hopefully.

 

 

…

 

 

“ _Marimo_ - _kun_ , this way!” you whine, pulling at his sleeve. “Where’re you going off to?”

 

The man grunts and turns to follow you, “Let go, it’s not my fault I can’t see over this pile of shit!”

 

“This pile of shit is going to be yours, and everyone else’s food you ungrateful _Gorimo_!” Sanji snaps, looking at the list of things he still has to buy. “My dear, you don’t have to bother yourself with this _maigo_ - _marimo_!”

 

“ _Gorimo_?” you smile. “Aaaah I get it! _Gorilla_ - _Marimo_!”

 

You laugh—no matter how familiar this banter was, it was always fun. First it would start off with a few pokes and name-calling, which meant anyone or anything nearby would very quickly be going up in blue or orange flames. Then, it would turn into full-fledged bickering that meant swords and polished designer shoes would go flying through the air. After which, usually Nami, Robin, or you would be there to intervene and the two idiots would be so distracted at being angry that they’d forget what they were doing. At this point Zoro, true to his ‘ _maigo_ - _marimo_ ’ nickname, would get lost.

 

Sanji of course was more than capable of finding the swordsman no matter how many times it’d happened over the course the crew had been together—or well, mostly together and usually scattered and individually causing trouble.

 

Still, you all didn’t have a lot of time to be out today. Franky was at the Sunny, making sure the ship made it safely into the shelter of the island’s local caves before the storm that evening was going to hit did so. With the ship in the cyborg’s hands, the rest of the crew only had to worry about finding lodging and supplies. Which meant babysitting the reckless “useless combo” was your job—come to think of it, you couldn’t remember when it had become your job, it was just how it was.

 

“Sanji- _kun_ , are you going to be sleeping on the _Sunny_ - _go_ tonight?” you ask.

 

“No, my dear!” Sanji sings, only then looking up from his detailed shopping list. “I’ve got to restock the fridge and pantry before Luffy sees the perishables, but Franky said he’d stay on the ship!”

 

“Hah, _Senchou_ - _san_ always did like the fresh meat and fish best.” you grin.

 

“Oi, cook.” Zoro assertively pipes up. “Are we getting sake anytime soon?”

 

“Not yet, _Marimo_.” Sanji gripes. “We need to get to the spices before the market closes! You can get your green ass drunk at a tavern later.”

 

You vaguely wonder about the color of Zoro’s ass and reflexively slap your forehead to prevent your thoughts from drifting to the color of his happy trail. Bad thoughts. Bad thoughts—not in public!

 

“I can go buy the _sake_ to stock the pantry!” You chime in, knowing that was what the swordsman wanted you to do— Sanji knew that as well, but was merely trying to irk the hell out of Zoro.”I don’t mind!”

 

Unfortunately, as much as you loved how they squabbled, there wasn’t much time until the afternoon was over and a Sanji who didn’t get his spices in time was not a happy Sanji. It was for their own good to keep the fighting to a minimum. The swordsman and cook going at each other always whipped up a devastating storm of it’s own, but allowing them to go at it while the actual one arrived wasn’t a good idea.

 

“Ah.” Zoro drawls. “Thanks.”

 

This was why Nami-san made it a regular thing to encourage the three of you to go shopping together.

 

“Oi!” you all look up to the voice of Franky—accompanied by his heavy set steps as he makes his way through the now gawking crowds of the small town market towards the three of you. “Zoro-bro, Sanji-bro, Little Girl!”

 

“I have a name, you big clanky bot!” you pout with a glare—but the malice behind such actions had long gone away before you had all reunited on _Sabaody_.

 

“Have you seen _Tora_ -bro around?” Franky asked. “I didn’t see him get off _Sunny_ - _go_ , but he wasn’t on it when I docked.”

 

“Eh?” you blink. “Aaah, if it’s _Torao_ - _kun_ , he’ll most likely be with _Luffy_ - _senchou_.”

 

“Poor guy.” Zoro jabs.

 

Sanji snorts in agreement. “Got that right.”

 

God these two were so married.

 

“Oh come on, _Senchou_ - _san_ isn’t that bad.” you smile a little unconvincingly.

 

Law wasn’t the most social of guys, and the fact that he hated bread clearly got on Sanji’s nerves at first—because hell, nobody insulted Sanji’s sandwiches. His sandwiches were amazing. In fact, you were a little irritated yourself at Law for yelling so openly about hating bread—but still, it was funny too. Perhaps if he wasn’t the captain of another pirate crew, Luffy would’ve gladly added him to yours.

 

Not that Luffy really cared about all the technical stuff—poor Law, maybe he’d end up unwittingly being forced into joining the crew anyway, you think.

 

“Ah, _sake_.” you remember. “Cyborg- _kun_ , do you mind carrying this stuff for awhile?”

 

It was something you noticed about men—something you perfected from being around Nami too, that they would do almost anything you’d ask them to if you asked nicely enough. It was one of the great things about being a female on the open sea—sailors never treated a woman badly, as they were rare to find on their long haul voyages.

 

“Oh?” Franky raised a brow and frowned the look that you knew meant he was thinking it over.

 

“Please?” you ask, pouting a little. _“Marimo-kun_ gets lost all the time and Sanji- _kun_ is busy doing important stuff so we don’t all starve! We’ll be quick!”

 

Pirates were a slightly different story than sailors. Most of the women they encountered were as dangerous as they were beautiful and not at all shy about making sure everyone knew that as well. Being sweet to pirates not only made them let their guard down, but also made them less inclined to say no when they thought there was something in it for them.

 

“Oh! Fine, fine.” Franky resigned, taking the load from Zoro.

 

“Thanks.” Zoro grunts. “ _Wari_ _naa_.”

 

Marines, well…it was easier to fool the marines when you didn’t have a bounty—admittedly it was only a mere 30,000,000 Beri compared to Luffy’s amazing 400,000,000 Beri, but it was still annoying. Annoying because it made it harder to disguise and hide. However also aggravating in the fact that you had a slight competitive streak in you and looking at not just Luffy’s but everyone else’s posters made you feel kinda sad.

 

“Let’s go!” you grin at Zoro, who follows you with a lighter frown than just a moment earlier. “I saw a nice place that also has some _umeshu_! So I’ll treat you!”

 

“Don’t waste a lady’s time, _Marimo_!” Sanji called after you two. “And don’t you dare pick out anything particularly expensive!”

 

 _Stupid Marimo and his stupid sake, curse whoever bestowed him the blessing of having my precious angel’s attention. The bastard can’t even tell the difference between good liquor and piss._ You could tell it was the very thing going through the blonde’s head without even having to look at him. The smile crinkles the white bandage stretched across your face to keep your injury from turning into a fracture to a full blown broken nose.

 

“Hrmph.” Oh well, there’s the deep frown again.

 

“Don’t mind him, he’s just jealous as usual.” you laugh.

 

“You like that though.” Zoro mumbles so low you almost don’t hear it.

 

“Huh?” you stop, blinking and then continuing at a faster pace to keep in time with Zoro’s much longer, much larger strides.

 

“About the cook.” Zoro simply says.

 

“What?” you frown questioningly.

 

“S’nothin.” the swordsman sighs through his nose and you can feel that he wants to roll his eyes but he doesn’t.

 

You assume that it’s your personal head canon of Zoro being more thoughtful and observant than people think simply because they perceive him to be more of a muscle-bull-head. Or something like that—damn, that sounded like something Sanji would’ve come up with, you decide a little proudly.

 

“Eeeeeeh.” you groan. “Boo, you’re no fun.”

 

“Don’t talk like Luffy, if you start getting as annoying as him we’ll be doomed.” he frowns even deeper.

 

You stare at him incredulously, before laughing really hard. “Was that…was that supposed to be a joke?!”

 

“ _Uruse_.” he growls. “It wasn’t.”

 

. . .

 

 _“In Your Dreams”_ , you’d read that one. It was okay, but the whole cambion thing was a little too weird down the road and just threw everyone out of character. And you know your crew—a little too much OOC made the fic go down with a bad aftertaste. “ _Secrets_ ” was a fun read, but Sanji would never be so moody as to almost commit suicide. _Please_ , the man had a boundless amount of pride enough to rival their captains. Both the cook and the swordsman had, as proven by the ridiculously cartoony but very real fire that engulfed their entire being whenever they got angry enough during a fight with each other.

 

Speaking of which, those colorful flames that complimented each other so well in their cool and warm contrast were beginning to singe the inn curtains.

 

“ _Oi_ , _oi_!” You call over to the snarling idiots, currently close enough to kiss as they gnashed their teeth at each other instead. “If you guys get too noisy, Nami- _sama_ going to be angry! She’s only across the hall, remember?”

 

The storm may have been raging outside, but that didn’t mean that it was any louder than Zoro and Sanji when they really got their blood boiling for each other. Sure, you were usually capable enough to stop the two (adorable) morons from tearing the ship apart, but it was harder when you were all on land. Damage done was damage left behind after all…and you were pirates. Hell, you didn’t think that not being pirates would lessen the collateral damage when it concerned these two’s bickering anyway.

 

“If you two got more heated to fight in a different way I wouldn’t mind, though.” you casually remark.

 

“Eh? What’s that supposed to mean?” Zoro narrowed his eyes at you, hand still on Wado’s hilt.

 

“I said that _Wado_ - _chan_ would be better off with a less tempered master!” you lie, shooting him a pitying look. “She’s so loyal to you, so you should treat her more nicely than smacking her against Sanji’s designer shoes!”

 

“Heh.” Zoro looks victorious at that and folds his arms, sitting back down in the corner and proudly declaring. “Hear that? She thinks my _katana_ are too good for your damn shoes, _kuso_ - _cook_.”

 

“I never said that.” You quickly say, hands still going a mile a minute against your keyboard, eyes glued to the screen.

 

But the damage was done. “Aaaaah?! What, you scared you gonna snap your stupid sticks against my iron kicks, _aho_ - _kenshi_?!”

 

Ah, there it was—Zoro was on fire again. _God save the curtains_. You sigh and smile, maybe it would take Nami to stop them from bickering again, you think, when you get a little idea.

 

“ _Oi_ , last time you fought I got a broken nose.” You say, giving them a sullen look. “Be a little considerate!”

 

Though really, it was all Luffy’s fault.

 

Sanji immediately smiles. “Aaaah, my poor sweet lady! I apologize on behalf of the _Marimo_!” he then turns to Zoro and snarls. “It’s your fault my angel’s face is hurt,  _kuso_ - _kenshi_!”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Zoro snorts, but the fire was gone now at least.

 

Maybe now you could read your fan fiction in peace—“Eh?”

 

You stand up from the desk, staring out the rattling windows even as the branches of the purple-leafed trees whipped and smashed against the inn.

 

“Is that _Torao_ - _kun_?!” you exclaim.

 

Making your way to the window only confirmed the long, lanky, gloomy figure currently clutching his usually (funny looking) mushroom hat against his chest as he strode his way through the storm. Aside from assuring his (you assumed it had to be his favorite) accessory from being stolen away by the wind, the storm seemed like nothing.

 

“That crazy bastard, what’s he doing out in this weather?” Sanji grit his cigarette between his teeth.

 

Zoro didn’t bat an eye, but did watch calmly from where he was seated. “Leave him be, he can take care of himself.”

 

You groan inwardly, you knew enough about Law to know it was true, but what if he got lost? Luffy wouldn’t be happy about that—and hell, you all knew that if Luffy wasn’t happy about something, that just meant trouble for the rest of the crew.

 

“ _Ittekimasu_!” You hastily say, before you pull on your boots and overcoat leftover from Punk Hazard and run out the door.

 

“My lady!” You hear Sanji call after you, but it’s too late.

 

Catching up with Law wasn’t easy, the man was just as tall as the other two members of the straw hat crew that you constantly stuck to, which meant they towered over you like pillars and had much longer strides. (You’ve theorized more than once that this was most likely why Zoro was less easily aggravated towards you, and Sanji seemed to fawn over you more like a little sister than a love interest like he did Nami-san or Robin-san.)

 

The wind in your face made the bandage Chopper gave you tickled and it wasn’t making this any easier either. You silently thank the weather for not pouring rain down on you just yet. Halfway through the town, you get fed up with it and just tear the bandage off your face. Just as you think you’ve lost the sight of the almost all-black figure that is Law, you feel your feet give out!

 

“Uwaa-!” you gasp, but the pressure against your thigh and upper back assure you that you hadn’t fallen, but were simply swept off your feet. “Sanji- _kun_?!”

 

“My angel!” Sanji announces triumphantly. “Allow me to carry you through this horrible weather!”

 

Of course, Sanji would never be so audacious as to carry you away against your will, and since you had decided to go after Law, you were _both_ going after Law.

 

“ _Domo_ , Sanji- _kun_!” you smile. “I think I last saw him heading towards the cove.”

 

“Ah? That’s the direction of _Sunny_ - _go_.” Sanji points out as his powerful legs make the wind resistance look like nothing. “Why would he go back there?”

 

“Maybe he left something on the ship.” you suggest, a little breathless at just how fast you were moving now that the fiery-footed cook was carrying you.

 

“But go back for it in the storm?” Sanji questioned. “That gloomy-eyed idiot.”

 

“Sanji- _kun’s_ really good at coming up with new nicknames for everyone!” you compliment.

 

And with that, you both headed for The Thousand Sunny. Unaware that just shortly behind you, a wary and (not really worried, of course not) swordsman was following not-so-closely behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up that the next chapter will be the Modern!AU that introduced AU!Zoro and AU!Sanji! It's necessary for the plot I swear, so please bear with me! Thank you for reading to this point and I'll see you crazy fellow fangirls next chapter!
> 
> HUGE, HUUUUGE thanks to my fellow ZoSan-Lovechild sister, shittycook-idiotswordsman for beta-ing for me for this chapter too! You're amazing and I love you! Please do follow her on tumblr if you like One Piece and specifically Zoro and Sanji!


	3. A Pocket Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter introduces the AU that you are currently reading in the main story. An obviously Yaoi AU. Don’t like, don’t read, I won’t apologize for anything. It’s important to the plot (LOL who am I kidding). Please note that this is from a omnipresent perspective. This is mostly satisfying my urge to write an AU while being lazy in actually making a proper separate fic for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU!Sanji and AU!Zoro, along with the other members of the Mugiwara No Ichimi are obviously going to be different based on their experiences growing up in a relatively normal world. I tried to keep them as close to their original personalities as possible, but obviously some behaviors and habits are going to be slightly different. This is afterall, a pocket reality! I hope you enjoy all the same!
> 
> Of course, there's that reader-insert parts where you get to see what's happening with the original Mugiwara Crew and Law! And some fun stuff is happening this chapter! A little more light is shed on how you got to know the Mugiwara Crew in the first place and your abilities as the Chronicler!
> 
> BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE BOYS GET TO BE BADASS AS SHIT!

**— AU, Omni POV:**

 

“Fucking asshole!” the blonde ground out between his teeth clamped around his cigarette that did nothing to quell the rage erupting from every fibre of his being. “Can you believe he gave me three tickets too?! For a ONE time offense! I was late and speeding sure, but that one night cost me almost a thousand bucks! Stupid green-haired bastard! Who dyes their hair green anyway!?”

 

Ussop, who had been listening only half-heartedly had been mindlessly nodding along when the mention of green hair got his attention. “Sounds like him.” he nodded his head in agreement, thoughtfully his arms crossed over his chest.

 

“Wait,” Sanji’s eyes narrowed. “You know the green-haired shithead? About this tall, tanned skin, and really, really stupid earrings hanging on his left ear?” He lifted his arm and pointed to his left ear to make his point.

 

Ussop paled. Oooooh no, he knew Sanji. Sanji would do anything and everything to get back at anyone who’d more than irked him a little. He was like a little devil with hot heels, which was scary to think about because the chef was a Savate master and pissing him off meant a very hard french foot in your face. Zoro on the other hand was an expert at kendo—the man could tear up an entire dojo (literally), if he felt like it. Usopp’s seen it happen once—though whether that had been a terrible dream or an actual sight he’d witnessed didn’t matter. He was sure the man was capable of it, one-hundred-percent!

 

The thought of the two meeting in a confrontation chilled his bones. No. No. It would be the end of the world—he couldn’t let that happen.

 

“No, I don’t know anyone who looks like that!” Usopp protested. “I can’t believe Zoro was the one that pulled you over! He never goes out on his days off! Does he even get days off?”

 

Shit. So much for that plan.

 

Unimpressed by his friend’s idiotic ability to be the best worst liar in history, Sanji simply thumped him on the back of the head with a backhand. “ _Tu es completement débile_. You just admitted to knowing him.”

 

Why the hell did this idiot need to compulsively lie about everything, anyway?! He even lied about little things that didn’t matter!

 

“Ow, ow!” The long-nosed face paled for a second, before he decides that trying to lie to Sanji again wasn’t in his best interest. “Uh…yeah. Well, he’s a cop. I’ve known him since Luffy crashed his way through my door when he tried to get into his apartment because his keys weren’t working…”

 

Sanji blinked. “Luffy knows him too? Wait, what was Luffy doing crashing into your apartment anyway?”

 

“He thought it was his.” Ussop said in resignation.

 

Sanji pressed his lips together thoughtfully. “That makes sense.  _Il est stupide..._ ” The young prodigy chef ran his hands through his fine blonde locks. “ _Zut_ …how is it that we’ve never met before?”

 

“You’re not going to…you know…” Ussop began hesitantly.

 

“What?” Sanji shot him a deadly glare. “Im going to find out where he lives, I’m going to kick his door in, and I’m going to beat his ass in before slicing him to bits for a _flambé_.” he said, straight-faced as he could manage.

 

“NOOOOOOO!” Ussop exploded. “SANJI YOU CAN’T, he’s a COP, understand?! A _COP_!”

 

“That _salaud_  is going to be very sorry for making me even more late for interfering with my work!” Sanji’s lips curled back in a menacing growl. “Now tell me where he lives or I’ll kick it out of you.”

 

The threat was empty of course, but it was enough for Ussop to stutter out not only his full name and address, but his phone number and license plate too. Not that Sanji cared why the man knew all this stuff, but it benefited him and that was all that mattered.

 

. . .

 

It was one of the worse cases of drug abuse he’d ever seen.

 

Not that the victim had been the one abusing: it was a drug-induced homicide case that grown more alarming by the days. This was their second victim, and he didn’t need to be a detective to know that there was more to this than coincidence. Zoro’s brows furrowed at the sight, he’d been a first responder to the phone call.

 

A naked body of a young woman lay in the motel room in front of him. Punctures in both her arms just where the joints of her elbows were a telltale sign alongside the abandoned needles and tubes that had been used to feed her drugs. Those weren’t the only things of note however, as the body had been opened up and stitched back together, much like their local mortician would’ve done, in a long y down the body starting at the shoulders and down to the crotch. Everything was the same as the previous victim they’d found last week.

 

He’d just finished quartering off the scene when the detective, an old friend and mentor of Luffy’s named Shanks, arrived.

 

“Oh, Zoro!” the red-haired detective grinned as he approached, the opposing colors in both their strands made for a strange picture to onlookers, he was sure. “Surprised to see you here! You’ve got pretty rotten luck huh? Hahahaha!”

 

Really, for someone who worked a lot of cases—some very morbid, he was more cheerful than he ought to be, Zoro thought as he grunted his hello.

 

“Is Luffy still keeping your hands full?” the man asks as he regards the scene, his light tone doing nothing to hide the serious look that had overtaken his gaze upon eyeing the body.

 

“Che.” Zoro scowls. “ _Kono gaki wa mendoukusei o_.”

 

“Ah, you’ve finally reached that point eh?” Shanks jokes. “ _Gomen_ , _gomen_ , I’ll treat you all out as a thank you, this weekend? _Dou da_?”

 

“ _Ii desu you_. Day off next Wednesday.” Zoro replies.

 

“Oh, I see, I see. Well then, next Wednesday it is!” Shanks declares, before going further into the crime scene to do his job. " _Saa te to..._ "

 

Zoro stations himself at the door to the room, next to Tashigi, who was by now awing at the sight of Shanks doing what he did best.

 

“ _Shiteru ka_?” she asks, referring to whether or not Zoro knew the detective.

 

“ _Aah_.” Zoro replies with a slight nod.

 

There was a sparkle in her eye that wasn’t there before. “How? Why?”

 

Zoro rolled his eyes. This was going to be a long work week. “ _Luffy no Oji-san da tou_ …basically. It’s a long story, _hanashi kiteru wa naii_.”

In the end however, Tashigi had managed to pry it out of him. He went through the whole story, too, as troublesome as it was. But the Deputy Commissioner felt like he owed it to his partner, they had been paired for awhile now, and both being from Japan, having migrated here at similar ages, there was a connection of respect between them he couldn't deny. He wouldn't admit it either, though.  
  
It was early spring that he'd been told by his mentor and step-father, world-famous "Master of The Sword" Dracule Mihawk that they would be migrating out of Japan and settling in the United States. He'd watched the cherry blossoms that day, on his way to visit _Kuina's_ gravestone for what felt like it would be the last time. That's when Shanks, who was a long-time friend of Mihawk's had shown up. He'd brought Luffy with him and ever since then, the kid had been stuck to him like glue all through the later half of highschool and through College and even University.  
  
In the end, Zoro had gone into law enforcement because one of Mihawk's old sparring partners and rivals, Smoker was the local Commissioner in these parts. He'd expressed interest in having someone as handy as Zoro around, so here he was, years later. All things accounted for, there was nothing he could ask for, life was pretty good.   
  
Though lately, the homicide case had dampened everyone's mood.

 

**— Mugiwara No Ichimi + Law, Reader POV:**

 

You gasp enthusiastically, leaning forward in Sanji’s careful grasp. “There he is! _Torao_! _Torao_ - _kun_!”

 

Law to his merit, acknowledges you with only a slight, slight, barely visible sliver of surprise, a light jolt in his shoulders that was only a fraction of an already muted move. He then turns and regards the both of you with his cold, almost dead eyes (you wonder whether the ‘Surgeon of Death’ name was amplified by the look).

 

“ _Washa_ - _ya_ , what are you doing out here?” Law’s voice is accusing and it feels like he was throwing a scalpel at you than simply talking back.

 

Unlike everyone else (including the government), Law preferred to refer to you by your occupation—that of a Chronicler.

 

“Same can be said for you!” you retort. “If you get lost or blown away by the storm, _Senchou-san_ isn’t going to give up until he’s found you! Save us the trouble!”

 

There’s that recognition in the surgeon’s eyes and he knows you’re right, but he doesn’t say it. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

 

“Just answer the lady.” Sanji grinds out. “We’ve already come all the way out here.”

 

Law sighs a little bit, but just a little bit. “I was curious.”

 

You regard him and realize that he isn’t going to continue, but you follow his gaze to find the sea swirling curiously in the wind. The lashing of the trees and the whipping up of the sand on the beach ominously swirled in time with the sea.

 

“Something _he_ told me a long time ago.” You could hear the shrug in Law’s voice, though his shoulders were as still as the icebergs on Punk Hazard. “Didn’t think it was real.”

 

“He? _Who_?” You ask, but Law doesn’t answer.

 

A strange swirl was in the waves, normally the arching, elegant crescent of the rise and fall was there, but this time, it was replaced instead by a…clockwise motion? Was that…a whirlpool? Several whirlpools?

 

“What is that?” You ask, wondering aloud.

 

“Answer me this, _Washa-ya_.” Law says, then proceeds to ask, tilting his hat up a little to look down at you. “Your stories about your travels to different worlds, are they true?”

 

It takes you a moment to register what he means, and by then, Sanji is putting you down because you’ve tapped him on the shoulder twice (your signal for wanting back on your own two feet between the two of you). A little too long a pause later you reply.

 

“World hopping? Yeah!” You answer. “Well, it’s part of my dad's ability, makes it easier for me because my mom was some ethereal demon-thing—“

 

You’re already losing the both of them, so you skip over the boring technical details.

 

“Basically, I have to chart the exact trajectory of the dimension, then I can create a rift between the world I want to get to, and the one that I’m in. It’s kinda like how _Akutagawa’s_ coat eats the spaces between him and bullets so you can’t shoot him.”

 

“Huh?” Law blurts out, a little too casually for his liking.

 

“Aheh…” you laugh nervously. “Nevermind that last part.”

 

Sanji whistles at the sight. “ _Uzumaki_ _desu_ _ne_?”

 

You wanted to make another reference-heavy joke about a city and a great bridge and a stupid boy with spirals in his name and how he and Sanji would probably not get along had they met, but you decide against it. But if Zoro had been there, he’d definitely refer to the whirlpools as a sign that his family was calling him home to ’spiral-dumbass-land’ or something like that.

 

“These whirlpools are like the rifts I make!” You announce after looking at a closer one in particular. “Hmm…but…”

 

Law catches the suspicion on your voice and looks at you, you can feel his gaze boring into your temple and it makes you want to continue.

 

“That’s weird, they don’t go very far…not like my rifts.” you explain. “These most likely seem to lead to…pocket dimensions? Worlds connected to this one—it’s a theory my dad has but never really found any evidence for.”

 

“Pocket dimensions?” Sanji asks, sounding much more interested than Law at this point.

 

“Yeah, like…smaller worlds, connected to a main world. For example, this one we live in is a main world, so whatever is in the pocket dimensions must be alternate realities of this one with a lot of similarities but…too small to have any large numbers of inhabitants. Their plot line follows a clear focus on a small group of indivi— _hey_!”

 

Law tuned out a long time ago and had already begun turning and was on his way towards the town again. You spin on your heel and yell at him, irritated.

 

“Don’t ignore me!” you demand. “I’m just explaining these things you were curious enough to come all the way out here for!”

 

“I’ve seen them. That’s all I wanted to do.” he replies shortly, still walking away.

 

You take a long, exasperated sigh. “ _Mouu_ …what a guy!”

 

“Don’t mind him my princess, continue with your riveting tale!” Sanji’s voice is as sweet as honey as he stares at you with that heart in his own eye, hands clasped together in sheer admiration for you. “I am listening intently to your every word!”

 

And and that, you can’t help but laugh. As always, Sanji was overly honest, and too eager to please and just so, so funny. You shake your head and are about to continue, when the sight of Law coming back full sprint, a wide, terrified look in his eye makes you stop. That's weird? The only time he ever panics like that is when something terrible is going on.

 

“ _Washa_ - _ya_!”

 

“ _Torao_ —?“ You’re cut off by a large, purple, smokey hand sweeping you from underneath. “WAAAAAAH!”

 

“OI!” Sanji’s voice rings out in the lapping of the waves and the spray of sand.

 

But it’s the singing of metal against the elements, and the lightning fast strike of the green-haired swordsman that frees you from the ethereal grip and sends you tumbling near the waves. The storm’s gotten worse by the minute, and there’s only a moments pause enough for you to register what was happening when another, monstrous hand reaches out from behind the horizon.

 

“Get up!” Zoro orders, _Wado_ in his mouth and his hands too full with _Kitetsu_ and _Shuusui_ to help you to your feet.

 

But the water suddenly surges forward and you trip over yourself enough to let the giant purple mass get too close for comfort. _Sandai_ _Kitetsu_ cries out as it slices through the purple smoke again, sending the rest of the fake appendage recoiling in what looked like pain.

 

You get to your feet, staring at the clearly unnatural limbs as more emerge from beyond the horizon in the storm.

 

“Get out of here!” Zoro barks back, preparing his swords to strike and hold them off, his stance, strong and wide.

 

“You can’t use  _Wado-chan_!” you exclaim. “Those are demon hands, only _Kitetsu-sama_ and _Meito-Shuu_  will work!”

 

A stray hand strikes, too far from Zoro to leap in time and too fast for you to react. The chant of another cursed sword instead meets it and it backs off in surprise. Law stands before you, the serious deadpan look on his face even more stone cold.

 

“You’re the target, you should leave.” he says.

 

“Me?” You breathe, then your eyes go wide. “Ah-…maybe it’s—”

 

“My Lady!” Sanji cries out as not one, but this time four limbs come swirling together, weaving around to confuse both swordsman and try to get at you. “You bastard!

 

“Cook, stop!” Zoro sprints.

 

As Sanji moves, his feet set alight and are bright against the dark scene of the maelstrom. “ _DIABLE_ _JAMBE_!”

 

But it’s too late. You watch in horror as Sanji’s foot connects with the smokey substance, and it edges away for awhile, away from his hot, hell-fire flames. But the demon arms soon comes together again, right around his ankle. With terror you remember that Sanji’s speed meant nothing if he had no space to move, and he was caught right in their trap. Only cursed swords could touch a demon-infused specter against it’s will.

 

“ _SANJI_ - _KUN_!” You scream, without thinking you sprint past Law and towards him as he’s whipped through the air towards the ocean.

 

“NO, DON’T!” This was one of the few times you’d ever heard Law really raise his voice like that, you could almost call it a yell, almost.

 

You manage to jump high enough to grab Sanji’s coat sleeve, and the sand leaves from beneath the soles of your feet. You see water, then air, then water. Law’s voice and Zoro’s voices are in a frenzy—Sanji’s voice is drowned out by the waves and the sounds of his coughing. Then it’s nothing but water and quiet underneath the waves. Moments later, you see Sanji kicking through the water, his powerful legs propelling him towards you despite the pull of the whirlpools and the tossing of the waves. Your eyes widen as even beneath the surface, a large purple mass begins to infect the water, heading directly for both of you! It was going to drown him!

 

A surge of panic in you comes out and alights your senses. “ _HENKAN: UMI NO AKUMA_!”

 

You feel the transformation happen before it does, and you can suddenly breathe, through the openings in your cheeks you knew were your gills. The sickly black scales cover your entire body, and the mermaid-like tail that was actually a collection of sharp, demonic claws that acted like both a propeller and scissors sends you through the water to him.

 

Just a millisecond after laying his eyes on your quasi-mermaid form, you see the heart in Sanji’s eye before you grab him by his clothes with webbed and clawed hands, careful not to touch his skin. Idiot—even in such a dire situation he had time to be adorable. You strike the water, breaching the surface in mere moments. A gasp from Sanji confirmed his need for air and you silently thank whoever your mother was that she was a sea-demon.

 

“Get out of the water, now!” Zoro’s howling voice was only legible thanks to your sharp hearing, being able to pick it out through the storm.

 

He was right, the current was already pulling you both towards a swirling whirlpool!

 

“Sanji- _kun_!” you turn to look at him, but you’re greeted only with the sight of his drooling, heart-emitting face as he stares at you.

 

Shit, _shit_! You were in your quasi-mermaid form, of _course_! Not only did it come with the (sometimes convenient) perk of enchanting any man who was too close in proximity to you, but Sanji with his immense love for women was particularly susceptible! He couldn’t hear you like this!

 

You don’t think, you just act. “ _ORU_ _HOIPPU_!”

 

With a fling of your massive tail, you send Sanji in a large wave flying, back towards the shore.

 

“I’ll be fine—!” you barely manage before the water takes you under again and your words are lost to the waves when a particularly large one knocks into you, wracking your brain.

 

You feel faint.

 

**\- Mugiwara No Ichimi + Law, Omnipresent POV:**

 

Sanji, true to form just as he’s about to have an unplanned facial meeting with the sand, returns to his senses and lands on his feet, his soaked clothes doing nothing to cool the burning fire that suddenly ignites his legs. Zoro reads his movements before he acts, and instinctively understands.

 

“ _SKYWALK_!” Sanji speeds through the howling, whipping wind, like it was nothing.

 

His counterpart sheaths his blades, stance concentrated on the wriggling mass of purple that was now making it’s way towards the flaming man in the sky, body going slightly slack and the lid of his one good eye slipping shut as if he was dead to the world. With a few kicks here and there, the blonde whips his body around, maneuvering with practiced ease through the deadly web of hands, until he reaches his target. The water had long obscured the girl from their sight, but that was nothing to Sanji, whose _Kenbunshoku_ _Haki_ made everything clear as day even in the storm.

 

Zoro stayed silent, tracking the cook’s movements in that strange way he did, he’d memorized the sounds of his steps and presence; though his own _Kenbunshoku_ _Haki_ wasn’t as refined as the cook’s, it was aided by his natural instincts as a swordsman. Enough, in fact, to keep track of Sanji’s every move until he reached their chronicler in the water. Meanwhile, Zoro could feel an entirely different presence growing and growing, until it grew so massive that it engulfed him, the cook, the ocean, and the girl. Law pauses in his actions, feeling the ocean negate the effects of his 'room'. He bided his time.

 

“ _Motto sukoshi_ …” Sanji snarls, grabbing the girl’s oddly slick (especially because it was covered in scales), hand. “Ha-haaaaaaa~!” and then he was gone again, hearts flying out of his eyes from the demon effects of their story-teller.

 

Zoro’s eye snaps open. “ _Ittoryu_ …— _SANBYAKU_ _ROKUJUU_ _PONDO_ _HOU_!”

 

The singular slash sends the sea into two—but impressively, it also sends the raindrops and part of the clouds above swirling away as if cutting the entire scene save for the sandy bed of the ocean in two, making both the cook and the girl entirely visible. And now, as if on practiced que, Law made his move.

 

His deadly fingers raise along with his right hand, focused. “ _SHAMBLES_!”

 

In a moment, two coconuts appeared where the girl and Sanji had just been. Or, tried to.

 

“Uwa—!” Law staggers as he feels sick, the hue of the artificial room around all of them suddenly warping.

 

“What’s happening?!” Zoro barks above the nausea that also hits him hard—nothing, it was nothing compared to training with Mihawk, he thinks as he fights it . “Why isn’t it working?!”

 

Law struggles to speak, but just barely manages to pant out, “The…the whirlpool…it’s a portal of some kind! They must’ve come into contact…ghh…ah…I can’t…”

 

And suddenly, the ‘room’ was filled with seawater, taking them all away.

 

**— AU, Omni POV:**

 

It had been a strange call—someone had fallen. Not jumped, but fallen. A freak accident, maybe? No, but the way the dispatcher on the line had described the accident it was what made it so strange. Nervously, Tashigi confirmed their progress to the location as she drove.

 

“Fell…from the sky.” Deputy Zoro repeated slowly as soon as his partner confirmed their reaching of the location.

 

The dude must’ve been drunk or something, Zoro assumed. People just didn’t “fall from the sky”. Zoro leaned back in his chair, arms folded in thought as Tashigi maneuvered the car in order to block the road and start quartering off the scene. Despite being his junior, she had a better sense of direction, and therefore got to drive.

 

As soon as he stepped out of the car and began to get ready to tape off the scene, he saw that the body was yet again, that of a female. A young woman, right around the same age as the previous bodies that had been turning up. It’d been a week since the second, this would be the fifth.

 

He ran a hand through his green locks. “Shit,” he sighed.

 

Tashigi had yet come around from the other side of the car when yet another cruiser pulled up, on the other side of the road, also turning in order to block the way. A younger officer, Coby and Smoker exited the vehicle.

 

“Commissioner Smoker?!” Tashigi said with wide eyes. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I had to see for myself.” he clarified, “The case Shanks’ got his hands tied with has really started to pick up momentum with the media. I’m here to make sure it doesn’t get blown out of proportion.”

 

With Smoker around, Zoro’s suspicions were soon confirmed when more cruisers showed up to do crowd control, and man was a crowd forming. They quickly managed to quarter off the area around the girl, and soon the rest of the officers alongside him were busy trying to fend off nosy reporters sticking their microphones in their faces.

 

Not long after, Shanks arrived and it was his turn to get flooded by the same nosey men and women along with their just as eager camera crew. Patience however was surprisingly one of his strong points as it came with his training at the dojo. And more or less, it helped him deal with helping Shanks get through the annoying flood of questions and accusations.

 

“Quite a scene today!” Shanks remarked with a friendly grin. “Looks like people are getting a little too antsy.”

 

“Is this another one?” Smoker asked pointedly.

 

Shanks squared his shoulders and shook his head. “Nope.” He shot a glance over at Zoro, who was intently listening but chose not to say anything and as he proceeded to walk closer to the body.

 

The female was face down against the concrete, head turned to the side just enough to see almost half of her face. She was fully clothed this time, albeit in too many layers of clothing for this time of year.

 

“Hm.” Smoker seemed to like that answer, but it didn’t make the situation any better.

 

He followed the detective to the body and watched as Shanks pointed out several things of note.

 

“There are no marks on her arms, and in all the previous scenes we’ve seen the culprit or culprits leave behind everything they used in order to prevent us from tracing anything back to them by being discovered with the tools of their trade.” Shanks explained. “Also, she’s fully clothed unlike previous victims.”

 

The red-haired man then looks up, there were no tall buildings around, but three-story buildings were also enough to kill a person, so she could’ve easily jumped from a rooftop to commit suicide. The problem was the location of the body along with its position.

 

“Strange.” Shanks ponders some, before continuing. “She couldn’t have fallen from anywhere around here, the houses are too far away for her to have even jumped and landed smack-dab in the middle of the road like this. If she had jumped, her legs would’ve been broken or her skull would be caved in from the impact. But it isn’t the only thing wrong with this—she seems completely untouched.”

 

“A body-dump maybe?” Smoker suggested.

 

“We’d see signs of impact from the road if she was dropped from a moving vehicle when this happened, and I’m sure cars don’t just dump people from the sky. Have someone trace the call, maybe our mystery witness knows more than he’s telling.” Shanks orders, “Hm. Why would she be wearing a winter coat, it’s the middle of summer…”

 

The man wraps up his notes and motions for the coroners to take the body away, then makes his way over to Zoro after a short conversation with Smoker, who proceeds to send the media away.

 

“Hey, tomorrow’s the start of your week off!” Shanks beams. “So how about it, _O-Maki-San_? My treat, bring everyone!”

 

Zoro was about to decline, deciding that he wanted to have a quiet week off for once, especially because it was just a sign that this big case was going to be keeping them busy from now on, but the mention of the Japanese restaurant ignites a bit of homesickness in him, and he gave in. “Sure.”

 

“Great!” Shanks chuckles, slapping him on the back hard enough to make any other man stumble and wince, but not Zoro. “You’re going to hang out with Luffy tonight, so I’ll pick you all up tomorrow at noon for brunch!”

 

Or Luffy’s second and third breakfast, Zoro thought. “Aah.” he confirms with a nod.

 

A few more calls and half a day later, the green-haired man was on his way home and pretty soon after that (two hours instead of four, damn these stupid city builders re-arranging the streets every time he turned around), he was kicking off his shoes and shrugging off his uniform, dumping it into the laundry basket, wandering around his apartment in naught but a pair of boxer briefs.

 

The sound of his phone vibrating on the other side of his apartment made him stop halfway to the fridge. He groaned; he’d forgotten the damned thing was in his pocket when he had thrown the pair of trousers into the basket. After fetching a chilled beer out of the fridge, he trudged to the small laundry room, sticking his hand into the basket and feeling around for the phone. Upon making out it’s shape and confirming that it was still vibrating, he spitefully yanked it out from the pile of clothes.

 

“Hah?” he growled at the _“Unknown Number”_ caller ID.

 

Without a second thought, he rejected the call, snorting at the phone and whoever the fuck was dumb enough to dial a wrong number and trudged back out of the room and went over to his couch. Not a second later, the phone vibrated again, still in his hand, halfway through his act of sitting his ass down.

 

“What the fuck?” he snarled, glaring at the phone screen.

 

 _‘Unknown Number’_ again. Forget it, he’d tell the moron that he’d gotten the wrong number himself. Pressing the large green button, he held the phone to his ear and answered.

 

“ _Oi_.” his voice was flat, purposefully, just to show how done he was. “If you were trying to call some chick, she lied about the number.”

 

“Tsk.” came the voice from the other end.

 

Naturally, the guy’d be upset. He was just bout to hang up, when the voice continued. And what it assumed, made him freeze in place.

 

“Figured that a green-head loser like you would get calls like that.” that voice…that voice!

 

He knew that voice. But from where had he heard it from?! The way the nouns slurred and the f’s were more pronounced. The ‘th’ sounded more like a ‘z’ and the r’s. God. Don’t even get started on the way the r’s seemed to resonate around every word they contained. it was sexy as all hell to say the least. The accent was mild when the man spoke English, but Zoro would soon discover just how drop-dead-gorgeous it sounded when he spoke his native tongue.

 

Zoro vaulted forward, leaning off his couch as if he was in a car and someone had just hit the brakes at full speed. “Who the fuck is this?!”

 

“ _This_.” the sultry, low tone sang. “Is the asshole who is going to chop your stupid ass up and turn you into _Hachis_ _Parmentier_!”

 

The voice was velvety just as he had remembered it to be. In fact, it brought back all kinds of memories: the emotions, the weird feeling in his chest that was like a tightening that threatened to cut off the air supply to his lungs. It was strange…he’d never thought someone could look so…gorgeous. In fact, the loud-mouthed asshole looked almost like royalty if Zoro had anything to say about it. His looks accompanied with his voice…the thought of it made the blood in Zoro’s veins pump faster, threatening to head straight down towards his—

 

Ah shit. He didn’t mean to get excited.

 

“Aaah. You’re that sissy blonde guy I pulled over the other day.” Zoro’s voice was almost deadpan (try as he might, he couldn’t kill the quiver that escaped, fuck!).

 

“SISSY?!” the line exploded with the man’s voice. “Che…I’ll show you. Never mind that for now.”

 

Zoro raised an inquisitive brow.

 

“You’re going to _O-Maki-San_ next Wednesday, right?” the green-haired man could practically hear the smirk in the other’s voice.

 

“How’d you…—!?” Zoro began, but was cut off.

 

“I’ll see you there.” the other chuckled, and then there was a click.

 

Silence.

 

“Shit.” Zoro growled, tossing the phone onto the couch with such force that it bounced off and landed on the carpet—as if it were to blame for the whole exchange. “What the _fuck_ was that?”

 

A tired hand slide through green locks as he walked to the bathroom and glared daggers at the black roots already making themselves visible—he’d have to dye it again. Forget the beer. Sleep sounded like a better idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that wasn't too jumbled up for you guys! As always, a MASSIVE thank you to my Imouto-chan Shitcook-Idiotswordsman for being such a patient and capable beta! She's on tumblr, go follow her!
> 
> Next time, you as the reader wake up in the AU and thrown into the murder mystery mess along with the AU characters! Yeeeeey!
> 
> If you'd like to beta you can find me on my tumblr as p4percake! Until next time!


	4. Beginning of an Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally get some action between AU!Zoro and AU!Sanji in this chapter as well as meeting the rest of the AU!Crew plus AU!Law too, yeaaaah! Also, you manage to escape from the morgue, so good for you!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some parts of this chapter will be in the omnipresent perspective while others will be from the reader’s point of view. Now the story will be entirely in the AU until otherwise stated! Be warned, AU Zoro, Sanji, Law and everyone else aren’t themselves! (Obviously).

**— Reader POV, in the AU:**

 

Heavy, that’s what you first feel. Your body is so, so heavy, and the air around is tight, like a crushing bulk that refused to let you fill your lungs with the satisfying feeling of breathing in. Tingling in your fingers make you realize that you’re just coming back into your body.

 

You…died?

 

No, “ _dying_ ” was something humans did, and you weren’t human. Though you didn’t want to think of the details of how something like you would perish (very real possibility, despite what people thought about supernatural things…Brook being an exception to everything you knew and understood, of course), you did have to wonder why the hell everything was so stuffy and pitch black.

 

A bag.

 

You were in a big, black bag. The worst part of this situation was that your hands were bare. Your hands were _bare_. You panic for a moment, but realize that being in the black bag meant that you wouldn’t be able to make skin contact with anyone. Sucking in quick shallow breaths to calm yourself down, you begin to think.

 

Had you been kidnapped? No, no, the last you remember, you were being pulled into a whirlpool underwater. Despite being able to breathe, soon you felt air trying to force itself into your gills, and you were forcibly changed back.

 

_Sanji!_

 

Sanji had grabbed you after Zoro had split the sea for you, and Law had tried to switch both of you out and…all of them, they all had tried to save you. _Where were they?!_

 

You swiftly sit up, and hear a discordant scream! The way the bag felt against your face…it was made of some kind of cloth and plastic combination maybe? Oh shit. It’s a body bag? You were in a body bag! From all those movies you’ve watched, you work out that you were in a _morgue_! Then…that other world, the pocket world! You were all transported there!

 

“She’s moving!” a terrified voice cries out.

 

There was someone there! The voice is male, but other than that completely unrecognizable.

 

“Hey, help me outta this thing!” you try to scream out of the bag, rationalizing that it’d muffle your words.

 

“Forget this, let’s get the doctor!” another voice you don’t recognize frantically yells.

 

“Wait!” you try again. “Help me, first!”

 

The sounds of metal and other unidentifiable loud objects clanged together, accompanied by the sound of double doors abruptly being forced open and swinging closed tell you that they’ve left you behind. You groan and maneuver your hand, the bag not having enough space for you to bring it up to your face fully. You concentrate.

 

The sound of your own blood rushing though your veins is soft at first. Your fingers twitch, and you focus on the shape of your hand, imagining it into something else.

 

“ _Henkan: Tora no Tsume_.” You growl and your nails transform into long tiger claws. “Hm, always thankful it’s nothing close to _Atsushi_ - _kun’s_ power. I’d hate to be lugging a heavy tiger paw around.”

 

With a quick slice, the bag tears open and you’re able to finally wriggle yourself out of it, struggling a bit when the size of your claws makes things a bit clumsy for gripping. You retract your claws and look around—from experience, this was very obviously a morgue.

 

“Uuurgh…” Nope, this was not going to do, you hated being around cold, dead bodies! They were much better on screen and NOT anywhere near you. “Okay, okay, I’m talking to myself again because I’m nervous, that’s fine…just…don’t think about the cold, dead thing on the table next to you…”

 

It was a corpse. That you were sure of, a hundred percent. Oh. Oh, _sea-devil_. _Oooooh SEA-DEVIL, that was a corpse_.

 

 _This is fine_ , you think as you slowly swing your legs over the other side of the table, fear shooting up through your spine as you realize that you’ve just turned your back on the thing.

 

 _It’s not going to get up, it’s definitely dead and staying that way,_ you think desperately. Your feet hit the floor and you bolt to the wall, slamming your back against it and staring at the still, motionless corpse on the table. It was a female, you notice now, with puncture wounds on both joints at the elbow, various bruises and…are those bite marks? Your eyes scan the body, noting covering the neck and other places.

 

“Jeez…” A frown sets onto your lips when you realize someone had taken you out of not only your coat, but your pajamas as well. “I get that I was sort of dead but come on! I wanted to keep that coat as a souvenir from Punk Hazard…” You say in exasperation.

 

You were talking to yourself like an idiot again.

 

Making your way around completely naked wasn’t something you wanted to put on, or check off your bucket list if your sanity remained intact. First thing’s first, find some clothes. Exiting the double doors leads you into a slightly predictable hallway that looked and smelled just as sterile as the morgue. The corridor stretched both to the right and left, both directions doing nothing to give away where they eventually lead. Thinking twice, you decide to run back into the room (avoiding even looking in the direction of the dead body) and grabbing the tattered remains of the body bag, you wrapped it around yourself as best as you could, before heading out again.

 

You freeze as the second time you enter the hallway you hear something. The quick _thumpthumpthump_ indicates that it’s more than one set of footsteps, and those footsteps were too fast to simply be running. It was more like a full-on sprint. Whoever it was, they were coming from the right wing. Thinking quickly, you sprint down the opposite way at full speed.

 

If your research was accurate (research being reading, watching, and playing endless amounts of movies, television series, cartoons, anime, comics, manga and video games), you knew there had to be a sort of staff locker room around here somewhere. Miraculously, there isn’t anyone but a stray nurse down the hall, and even then she was distracted by her phone. Aside from her stark blue hair, you don’t find anything else unusual about her—so you conclude that this was a relatively ‘normal human’ populated world correct.

 

Halfway through to the desk, you decide to take a piece of tattered cloth from the body bag currently haphazardly hanging around you and crumple it up, tossing it hard enough for it to land in a lump in front one of the other rooms, then head for the cover of the nurse’s desk.

 

You thankfully make it around the desk she’s slacking off on and sneak into what looked enough like a back room for you to make it your target. Just as thankfully, you were right. Time to get some clothes and hopefully find something to cover your hands with.

 

Not wasting too much time, you decide on a shirt that looks way too big for you, with the sleeves dangling way beyond where your arms ended completely hiding your hands when you pull it on. With a quick ripping of the sleeves, you turn what’s left of them into makeshift bandages to wrap around your hands (no luck finding your usual gloves along with the rest of your clothes either). You pull on a pair of dark grey pants that you assume are the nurses, as they fit on the waist a little tightly and are too long for you to properly shoot your legs through the first time around. A quick roll of the cuffs fixes this however. Then, you were dressed and it was satisfying to have your hands covered again.

 

You barely have enough time to hold your breath when the same hurried footsteps accompanied this time by panicked voices reaches the desk just behind the door.

 

“Hey Vivi, you seen a girl around here?” a voice asks and it’s the same one from when you were in that sack in the morgue.

 

“Huh?” you hear the nurse reply indifferently, imagining her looking up from her phone. “You mean myself?”

 

“No, the dead one we brought in last night!” the male responds impatiently. “Did you see her?!”

 

The woman makes a disgusted sound. “No, I haven’t! Why would I want to look at a dead body, Penguin?!”

 

The man gives a snort of aggravation while you hear another set of footsteps come up. The same voice questions with renewed alarm. “Shachi, did you find her?!”

 

You see a box of disposable surgical masks and instinctively grab for it, ripping one out and putting it gently over your still swollen nose on, before snatching a (rather silly looking teal and pink) hat and putting it on to hide your hair.

 

“Of course I haven’t, why would I be here if I did?” the other male responds vexingly, “Hey isn’t that…”

 

You assume this is directed towards piece of the bag you threw towards the open dear near the desk earlier, and slowly push against the door to the room you were currently in open a crack, just enough to see the two men walking towards the bait. They hesitantly pick it up and examine it. Your eyes drift up towards a sign near the desk, the green light and telltale word ‘exit’ on it making you smile.

 

Bingo.

 

“This is part of the body bag!” one of them with the unruly brown hair exclaims.

 

You tense as the nurse with the blue hair moves, advancing towards the other (what you now guessed) were male nurses. “Let me see that. Are you sure you idiots aren’t just acting up again?”

 

This was your chance, you crawl out of the back room just as the three agree to enter the door they’d found the piece in front of. Standing up as the door swung closed, you bolt towards where the exit sign was pointing, passing by a couple of rooms.

 

Finally, you were out of the building. Time to find Zoro, Sanji and Law!

 

 

**— Omni POV, AU Crew, _O-Maki-San_ :**

 

The whole gang was there, more complete than ever now that Ace had a chance to get some time off from his job as a firefighter. Shanks (being a detective), Zoro (Deputy Commissioner as he was), Law (being the local Chief Medical Examiner), Vivi (being his assistant) and Nami (being the Chief Finance Officer at the police department) all usually met during work hours. Despite this, such meetings weren’t very pleasant and quite short; obviously more to do with business than anything else and the current ongoing case wasn’t helping things any. This friendly get-together was something they had very much needed.

 

To sweeten the deal, Robin (who had transferred to another department in the FBI in a different part of town) and Franky (the mechanic down at the Fire Department who worked closely with Ace) had also managed to spare time and join them, along with Chopper (a young, prodigy doctor who was great friends with Law). Chopper was already there, though Robin and Franky had yet to show up.

 

The only ones present who weren’t involved occupation-wise were Luffy (obviously being related to Shanks and Ace) and Usopp (who was Franky’s and Luffy’s mutual friend, he and Franky got along particularly well due to having similar hobbies working on…disastrous projects.)

 

Naturally however, the conversation turned towards the case as they were all more or less involved. Ace always wanted to keep updated on things the others were doing since he didn’t see them very often. Strangely though, it was Usopp that was the focus of attention that day.

 

The liar melted into his seat, shivering with all the fear in the entire universe. “It was horrible! And the big guy they call Smoker, he was shooting death lasers out of his eyes!”

 

Chopper’s jaw almost fell to the table. “No, way! Wait…that’s not biologically possible, Usopp, are you lying again?”

 

“No really!” Usopp gasps, waving his arms. “He was all bulky and terrifying, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was an alien—a _Terraformar_!”

 

The compulsive liar had the very unfortunate fate of being the mystery caller to the ‘sky-falling’ scene earlier that week.

 

In hysterics, Shanks clutched his stomach. “You poor thing. Sorry about Smoker, but his job as the police commissioner makes it hard on him…especially with this case.”

 

Usopp swallows lightly and straightens up as the rest of the table takes interest in the story.

 

“So?!” Nami chimes in. “Tell us what you saw, Usopp!”

 

“Isn’t that just his compulsive lying disorder acting up again?” Vivi asks with a sarcastic smile. “C’mon, Usopp, there’s no way you really saw someone fall from the sky!”

 

Luffy leaned to the side and pushed past the girls, trying to get closer to the storytelling—the table was long thanks to the private room Shanks had booked, but it also meant that conversations were spread far apart.

 

“ _Luffy_!” Nami smacks him. “Don’t push! And slow down!”

 

Ace just laughs and pumps his fist in the air several times. “Go, Luffy go! Don’t discourage him Nami, I’m going to take him to the All Blue next and scare the pants off the kitchen staff!” He declares, winking at her.

 

“Oh, I’d almost forgotten about that!” Nami chimes in with a smile. “I’ve been meaning to try it sometime!”

 

“That new fancy-pansy restaurant downtown?” Zoro asks with a scowl and a crinkle of his nose.

 

“Mghewijc—!” the boy keeps mumbling at Ussop through his stuffed face.

 

“Okay, okay!” Usopp gives in with a sigh. “I’ll tell you, so everyone be quiet!”

 

At this, Shanks leans back in his chair more, his relaxed expression hiding his actual seriousness in listening to the witness account again. Despite him not being on the clock, that was a part of him he that kept ticking. Nami, Vivi, Chopper and even Law were intently listening. Zoro fidgeted in his seat, trying to concentrate on the conversation, but the thought of the phone call he’d received from the mystery frenchman was still fresh in his mind. It’d been days since that strange phone call from who Ace had decided to dub the ‘mysterious foul-mouthed blonde’. Everyone was at the table, nobody was missing…what had the blonde meant? Maybe it had been a bluff…but Zoro from experience in training, had become very good at calling those out.

 

“I was on my way to see Kaya for our date at the Art Museum.” Usopp begins, enthusiastically telling his tale with accompanying gestures all through to the part where he finally reaches the suburbs. “So this weird loud noise happens, and it sounds like fireworks in the middle of the day! So I look up, wondering what kind of weirdo is going to try and play with fireworks when it’s still light out, and I notice the sky’s all cloudy and stuff.”

 

Luffy swallows, excitedly grabbing a few more things off the table while asking. “So what happened after that?!”

 

“You see that’s the weird thing. The clouds were all swirling like…like a tornado or something. We don’t get tornadoes around here, so it was weird.” Usopp continued tentatively.

 

Back at the station the other day when Usopp had reached this part of the story, Smoker had deemed that the kid was simply crazy and tuned out, though his confession was on tape. Shanks however did find the account interesting enough to go over again, even if it was outrageous.

 

“So the swirling makes kinda like a tube thing, and I think ‘ _man, it’s really going to be a tornado, i need to get to Kaya’s and warn her!_ ’ but then it doesn’t extend or go down you know? It just kind of made this hole in the sky and the next thing I know I see this tiny thing come out of it! That was the person! I didn’t recognize it was a person at first, but it was a little late when they hit the ground.” he shuddered at the memory. “Man…it was messed up.”

 

“That sounds so disturbing. Are you sure you didn’t imagine this?” Nami says with a slight shiver but she wanted to turn the conversation to the more realistic details. “They said it was connected to the kidnappings going on recently on the news, though, this sounds much worse. Commissioner Smoker just won’t tell me anything!” She pointedly looked at Shanks, Vivi, Zoro and Law, bitter about being kept out of the loop.

 

“Maybe it’s a supernatural phenomenon!” Ace encourages from his place across Nami and Vivi. “Aliens could’ve done it!”

 

Luffy chokes on his food. “Mhphh—!”

 

“Don’t do that.” Zoro frowns at Ace as he reached over and pats Luffy’s back. “You’ll get him all excited over nothing.”

 

Ace grins mischievously. “What if she’s an alien herself and she’s come to take over the planet!”

 

Luffy’s arms are going everywhere and he’s babbling nonsense behind all the food in his mouth. Law, who’d been quietly watching the entire time, slowly directed his gaze at Shanks, who caught it. Though there was no reaction from the man the silent exchange was clear between the two of them. They’d need to talk later.

 

“It’s not aliens.” Law says, closing his eyes and leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table, taking his beer into his hand. “I can’t reveal all the details, but just know that a very real person did this.”

 

Nami and Vivi instinctively scoot closer to each other in discomfort, hands intertwining under the table.

 

“That’s it, I’m going to buy a taser on the way home.” Vivi asserts.

 

Nami concurs with a, “Pepper spray for me.”

 

Luffy, in his haste to declare that he would protect his friends from whatever dastardly alien-kidnapper-human-thing that was abducting people and so evilly leaving them in the middle of the road, sent chunks of sushi flying everywhere as he opened his mouth.

 

“ _Hé_ _caotchouch_ , you’re spitting all over the ladies.”

 

A very blonde, very pissed-looking, very neatly dressed, very long-lanky-legged Sanji, nudges Luffy with a knuckle to the head. The entire room turns their attention to the man who’d managed to stealthily enter the room without so much as making a single noise.

 

“GHDF—!! I FORGOT TO TELL YOU GUYS! THIS IS MY NEW FRIEND AND I ASKED HIM TO COME TODAY! HE’S THE GUY WHO OWNS ALL BLUE AND HE MAKES THE BEST FOOOOOOD!!” Luffy manages to swallow down his mouthful before turning and spraying Sanji with the leftover chunks. “SANJIIIIII! YOU MADE IT!”

 

Zoro in turn looks up from his drink, and feels the blood in his veins turn cold. Oh shit. It was _that_ _guy_. This “Sanji” was _that_ _guy_. He had pulled over _Sanji_ last week and given three tickets to him for being such a foul-mouthed (sexy) self-entitled bastard.

 

 _Fuck_.

 

“Yo!” Franky, who was miraculously clad in an overcoat (heaven knows Shanks has warned him one too many times about flashing people in public), greeted as he entered with the blonde.

 

Robin smiled as she emerged from behind the large bodied mechanic. “Hello, everyone.”

 

“ _Arrêtez ça! Tu stupide gomme!_ ” Sanji, who had been engaged in an anti-hug campaign against Luffy, finally managed to push the boy away with a grimace spotting the annoying, bright, green head behind him. “Heh, told you I’d be here, _homme_ _vert_.”

 

Zoro can already feel himself breaking a cold sweat.

 

“Hmmm…” Sanji hums, thoughts rolling on his tongue but never really being voiced—he shifts his weight from one foot to the other, “At least now I have enough meat to serve even this—“ he gestured to Luffy, who was still very much trying to wrap himself about the chef, “ _L’homme_ _caoutchouc_ and the rest of the table a decent helping of _Blanquette de_ _Vert_.”

 

Zoro narrows his eyes at the blonde, and all around the table conversations stop and gazes avert towards the exchange between the two. There was no mistaking it, that stupid, alluring but somewhat robust voice definitely belonged to the man standing across from him and there was nowhere to run. It’s Shanks who cracks up first.

 

“Aaaah!” he hollers, shocking everyone at the table. “Sanji’s the ‘hot blonde asshole’ you pulled over last week! _Omoshiroi_!”

 

Zoro had never looked so pale in his life. In fact, ‘ _Zoro_ ’ and the word ‘ _pale_ ’ only belonged in a sentence where ‘is not’ is between them. And it was true, Zoro is not pale. Or, he had never been until this very moment. Sanji, to his merit, isn’t shouting obscenities or laughing at him either. Curiously, they stare at each other for what seems like a stretching eternity.

 

Zoro knew one thing for sure: he was going to strangle the detective for this.

 

Ace is the next one to break the silence this time, with a loud whistle and a whoop. “Whoooooohooo! Sanji’s that mystery hot piece of blonde ass you’ve been pining after?! Good for you Zoro!”

 

Scratch that. Zoro was going to strangle both the detective and the fucking fireman for this.

 

“Now we can all get along happily!” Shanks declares offering up a toast. “To the end of the misfortune upon Deputy Commissioner Zoro’s love-life! _Kanpai_!”

 

Though it was indeed embarrassing, the jeers and cheers of the table amply distract everyone enough to allow Zoro to stand up without his knees shaking at the discovery of his fixation on the very blonde who was now directing a few angry words at Ace, jeering at him. Though they’d just met, Ace was already becoming an expert and pissing Sanji off.

 

“Bathroom.” he grunts out as he leaves the private room Shanks had booked.

 

Sanji manages to catch him leaving out of the corner of his eye and huffs. Running away already? That wouldn’t do. After a few quick hellos all around, he also excuses himself to go after the stupid cop. He catches him making a wrong turn and frowns, increasing his pace and calling out to stop him.

 

 _“_ _Hé_ _, merdique-policier_!”

 

Zoro stops at the nickname and spins around, glaring at him and pulling out what little french he knew. “What’d you call me, _bouclé_?”

 

Oh. Oooooh no, that was a touchy subject for Sanji—not even Ussop was stupid enough to comment on his strange genetically-caused eyebrow-swirl. Said eyebrow twitched in irritation.

 

“Damn, bad-tempered even when you’re off-duty?” he comments, noting it strange that Zoro knew french. “Or is it just when you’re intimidated by a ‘hot piece of ass’?”

 

Zoro glowers at him, raising a brow. “Look, it’s a running joke with the guys. I’m not straight, big deal. You gonna sue me for it?”

 

“Maybe.” Sanji jokes. “You know I’ve heard all about you from _Monsieur_ Usopp—granted he does tend to exaggerate things here and there.”

 

Zoro’s frown deepens and Sanji can see the appeal in the stern, serious face; it wasn’t stoic like a typical hard-ass’s, but full of hardness and restrained ferocity. Yes. From the get-go, Sanji was already able to tell that Zoro was just the kind of guy he _hated_. The way his jaw was firmly set and his broad-set shoulders, the sharpness in his eyes—Zoro was someone ladies _pined_ after. He was the kind of man Sanji always found himself competing with for attention and that was infuriating enough, but to make matters worse, the man was gay. He wasn’t even remotely _interested_ in women and he still had the nerve to look so darn attractive to them!

 

“Tell me what he told you so I can kick his ass for it.” The green-haired officer demands.

 

Oh yes, Sanji had heard quite a few interesting things, not just from Usopp but he had the chance to message Nami and Vivi about it as well—like how Zoro had a girl confessing to him at least once a month back in high school and no matter who it was or how pretty they were he’d turn them down. Naturally, his friends all thought that he was a homosexual; Ussop did a fantastic job of absolutely ruining his reputation by spreading the news as far as he could go.

 

And then came the time Zoro had finally, finally said yes to a girl or rather, an older woman around the time he started at the Police Department. That sweet woman had turned out to be Robin. They’d been together for about a month before Zoro had been the one to break it off (in fact, Sanji had been sure he wanted to kick him nice and hard for breaking a woman’s heart like that, and for said woman to be Robin to top it all off). But Robin had explained that she dated him in order to help him understand that perhaps he wasn’t really interested in women at all and that there were no hard feelings.

 

Perhaps it was all just his petty need for revenge that Sanji pursued his crusade to completely ruin Zoro’s day, any chance he got.

 

“Well first off, you were a womanizer.” Sanji said in a rather casual way. “Going through a woman every month.”

 

“What?! That’s not what—” Zoro twitches. “That long-nosed bastard…”

 

Sanji grinned, pleased with the reaction, “And then there was that time you made _Mademoiselle_

 _Robin_ cry when you broke up with her after leading her on only to realize you were a _homo_.”

 

“H-Ho—…don’t say it like that!” Zoro yells this time, causing some passing waiters to look over. “And she didn’t cry!”

 

“Ah, you’re still in denial?” Sanji blinks, feigning shock in the most sarcastic way possible. “Maybe I can help you with that.”

 

Zoro’s had enough and he turns, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “That’s it, you’re just teasing me. Do me a favor and leave me alone. I’m not going to cause trouble with one of Luffy’s friends, even if it is a _Suteki Mayu_ like you.”

 

At the sudden onslaught of the familiar but foreign language, Sanji was taken aback. He’d figured that Zoro hadn’t been from around here, but to be _Japanese_? He’d never guessed! It would explain the choice of cuisine they had decided on for lunch though.

 

“ _Hé_ , don’t run away from me, _homme_ _vert_!” Sanji demanded, taking off after him.

 

 _Bam_!

 

Sanji didn’t know when or how it happened, but he was abruptly interrupted mid-stride and currently staring into two, smoldering, intense, steel colored eyes. Zoro’s right arm stopped him from moving, while the rest of his body leaned towards his left, almost pinning him against the bamboo wall of the hallway. Zoro glared him down.

 

“I’m not running.” Zoro stated, gaze intense.

 

Sanji compared the solid, heated grey hue to that of simmering ashes—deceptive in their smokey color, seeming cool, but in reality burning hot to the touch. Zoro was not an easy target for teasing…Sanji had been mistaken.

 

“I will admit this: I find you _very_ attractive. _Honto nii_.” the green-haired man’s voice was a low growl, like that of an animal threatening to attack. “I won’t run from that fact.”

 

Zoro leaned in close, already burning gaze sharpening. Suddenly, the blonde found that he had to remember to breathe.

 

“But…” Zoro continued, clicking his tongue. “I really don’t consider your French insults as foreplay.”

 

He backed away and turned, once again walking in the complete opposite direction of where the bathroom would be. Sanji stared after him, before registering what had just happened. His face lit up read. _FOREPLAY_?!

 

Shit, shit, _SHIT_!

 

“ _Brûle en enfer!_ ” Sanji roared, jolting upright from leaning against the wall (when had that happened?) “You _are_ fucking running!”

 

He was pissed now, Zoro was going to pay for those tickets, and that stupid…whatever it was, just now!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, you'll find your beloved shipping duo~! Or will you! Teehee! Let's find out!
> 
> Thanks as always to my wonderful Imouto-chan for suggesting and beta-ing for me! I really can't do anything without her at this point. She's like my first mate! (The Zoro to my Luffy???)


	5. Maigo Washa to Maigo Marimo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You met AU!Zoro and AU!Sanji but things aren't going to go smoothly as you encounter the rest of the AU!Crew, huh! Also, as usual, Zoro gets lost and yet somehow still manages to cause and yet avoid trouble!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember this story is going to be jumping back and forth between the reader’s perspective and the omnipresent perspective. For the sake of keeping the world and the story coherent, so apologies in advance if it takes away a bit of the personal feeling. I hope you still enjoy the mystery that comes with it though! I tried my best.

**— Reader POV, Downtown:**

 

Well, this was a predicament. Not _just_ a predicament, perhaps Nami-san would call this a devastatingly huge issue. Not only was this world part of a reality that fell along the lines of the same rules as the Milky Way Planet within the twenty-first century, but where you landed was an area of that world that you had never, ever been to! To top it off, somewhere here, your two boys (and one wayward surgeon of death), were wandering around wondering where everyone else was as well. Did they land together? Did they land completely alone like you had?

 

….how was Zoro going to find anyone?!

 

HOW WAS ZORO GOING TO FIND ANYONE!

 

SHIIIIIIT, _HOW WAS ZORO GOING TO FIND ANYONE_?!

 

“Fuu…” you breathe, chomping on your bottom lip.

 

The growling of your stomach reminds you that you needed fuel to recover fully from your not-death. Shit. There were no marines here as far as you could tell, which meant you were out of luck. Deciding that yes, you’d be hungry for a while and no, griping about it wasn’t going to change anything, you were about to consider other options when you saw it. A mass of bright green, getting himself lost.

 

“ _Marimo_ - _kun_!” you yell, but it seems he doesn’t hear you.

 

Being on the other side of some really thick glass in some fancy-looking building might’ve had something to do with that. Nevertheless, you watch as he makes his way down towards a set of elevators, just as you make it to the building’s entrance. Seemed it was a restaurant judging by the large white sign that read _‘O-Maki-San’_ at the front.

 

“ _Marimo_ - _kun_!” you try again, and he stops.

 

Though he’s facing away from you, you can just imagine the confused look on his face as he tilts his head to the side. Slowly, he turns to look over his shoulder just as you approach him.

 

“Ah?” the look of irritation on his face is obvious. “Who’re you calling a _Marimo_?” He then stops and stares at you. “ _Nihonjin_ _ka_?”

 

“Lucky! I thought you’d be the last one I find…Eh?” The question throws you off guard, but that’s when you start to note a few things. “Are you trying to make a joke again?”

 

Zoro’s hair isn’t as long as you remember it being, and his earrings weren’t as dangly as you remembered either. Did he change them? And…the scar! The scar over his eye was gone! Huh? Had the portal done something? No…you couldn’t feel any of the energy left over from it on him at all.

 

“When did you get new earrings?” you lift a finger and point them out.

 

At this his eyes narrow at you. “Why do you know that?”

 

“EH?” your jaw drops open to show your teeth—a gesture you would’ve normally accompanied with your fangs in a show of annoyance, “I’m sure I would’ve noticed if you changed your earrings…”

 

Unless—! The thought hits you and it’s hard to comprehend at first. Was it possible though? Well, this was a pocket reality…so maybe…in your experience in travels to other world, you’d never encountered anything like it. But the notes your father had on pocket realities…maybe it was possible after all…

 

“ _Hé_ , _vert_! I wasn’t done talking to you!” the length of the footsteps tells you whose stride this is—though the nickname was definitely off. “You scared of civilians without your badge?”

 

Badge? You turn and see— _Sanji_! It was definitely Sanji, but there was something off about him too, the hair was on the left side of his face instead of his right like before. Did he smooth his hair out? While you were standing there speechless, he walks towards and stops a little away from you.

 

“ _Bonjour_ _Mademoiselle_.” his smile is warm and suave…too warm and suave. Much, _much_ , too calm.

 

He doesn’t know you. Neither of them know you—could they be…versions of Zoro and Sanji from this world? Was that even a thing? Then again, not even your father was able to explore so deeply into ‘pocket realities’ as this. If this was true, you _had_ to explore more! Could this be… _WHERE FANFICTIONS COME FROM_?! No, no, _aho_! This wasn’t the time to think about that!

 

“Hi.” you manage a grin that was definitely awkward, just barely restraining your inner fangirl. “You must be Sanji?”

 

His smile broadens and he leans forward in a semi-bow, taking your hand in his and pausing at the odd way you’d wrapped everything from your wrist to your fingers up in the torn cloth. Still, he kisses it, pointedly looking at Zoro (this you guess, you weren’t supposed to notice). “ _Enchante_ , _mademoiselle_. Are you an acquaintance of this walking garden display?”

 

Zoro seems to take the insult a little too personally, the glare he strikes Sanji with is full of malice…and something else. But you can’t place it.

 

“Uh…” you’re not quite sure how to answer that. “Well, we…I sort of?”

 

He blinks as he straightens back up, still holding your hand. “I see, one of this _merdique-policier’s_ distraught, ignored fans?”

 

Your stomach interrupts the conversation before you get to answer. It growls, long and hard. You were still very, very hungry. Being quasi-dead did that. Zoro reaches up to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly as a mighty red blush creeps over your cheeks. Sanji blinks twice, surprised.

 

“Ah…ahem.” you grin meekly. “Sorry about that…”

 

It’s Sanji who pipes up. “That won’t do, the lady is practically starving! _Madame_ , why don’t you come and join us, we’re having a rather lively get-together and I’m sure one more head wouldn’t matter.”

 

“Really?” well, food did sound good despite the fact that you needed something else. ”I’d love to, is it really okay?”

 

“Tsk.” you hear Zoro behind you.

 

“ _Bien entendu_!” Sanji however doesn’t spare a thought for the other man and proceeds to start leading you away. “Come, come, there’s quite a few interesting friends for you to meet!”

 

**— Omni POV, AU!Crew:**

 

“ _Kuso_.” Zoro breathed as he watched the girl walk away with the blonde.

 

Subtly, his eyes drift down to the chef’s very taut, very nice-looking cheeks. Shit. He didn’t think that the blonde would be Luffy’s friend. He didn’t think the blonde would be so damn fucking hot in person. Or that the man was such a fucking _devil_ too under all that glamour of being one of those fancy-pansy folks. Then again, maybe the insults and how easily he slipped into swearing was a sign.

 

Would he have to compete with a girl? _Again_?

 

Begrudgingly, he walked back towards where the party was at, keeping a short distance away from the two so as not to look as agitated as he felt. Things just kept getting better and better, he thought sarcastically.

 

**—- Reader POV:**

 

You feel the hold on your hand is a little daintier than Sanji would normally muster, but assume it’s because he wasn’t well…not _your_ Sanji, but yes, your Sanji. Though you’re very curious as to all the little differences. This could be fun!

 

The door to the noisy group neared, and there are voices you know very well, but the general banter is still the same. It’s familiar, and it makes you smile.

 

“Where are you from, _Madame_?” Sanji asks.

 

“Oh.” you blink. “Well, I’m not from around here, if that’s what you’re asking? Uh…”

 

“I thought so!” he opens the door to the room and the noise blasts through the hall.

 

Your eyes widen—Luffy was currently bent over Ace, trying to get to the large plate of sashimi at the centre of the table, meanwhile, Law and…( _was that supposed to be Franky?_ ) were discussing something between sips of beer, and Shanks (minus the three scars down his left eye) was sitting there laughing at the squabble. That same nurse was sitting next to (albeit short-haired versions of) both Nami and Robin and the three of them miraculously enjoying a quiet corner on the stretched but overly-full table. Ussop in the mean time seemed to be scaring a rather familiar but unrecognizable brown-haired boy at the end of the table.

 

But your eyes are glued to one face; Ace’s face to be exact.

 

“ _Las attention_!” Sanji yells over the noise. “We’ve got a new guest! That’s alright with you, right Shanks?”

 

Shanks barely manages to answer between laughing fits as he gets up, eyes screwed shut. “G-go ahead! I need to—haha a—bathroom!” he looks over at you with a cracked eye. “Haha sure—hahahaha—! Bring ‘em in!”

 

“What?!” Ace drops Luffy face-first onto the table and makes his way towards you, he sauntered just as confidently as you remembered. “Damn! What a cutie!”

 

You’re frozen and you can’t move—his voice rings in your ears. This was _Ace_. _Portgas_ _D_. _Ace_ was standing right there in front of you! You feel your throat begin to constrict and that feeling of hotness behind your eyes that was telling you that you were going to be seeing waterworks soon. You knew what happened at Marineford; everyone did. It was like seeing a ghost.

 

“Hi!” the very familiar voice of your captain greets you and you realize you’ve been staring. “Ah, Ace I think you broke her, she’s not working anymore!”

 

You vaguely register Ace saying. “Huh, maybe she’s just shocked by my good looks.” He winks at you, and you almost give in right there and cry.

 

The sound of shattering glass jolts you out of your stupor and you gasp. You’re not the only one that’s surprised by the noise as all the faces in the room turn towards…Law?! Law was here too?! This, this was another Law!! His hand is outstretched and his eyes are wide, and he’s looking right. At. You.

 

“Law, what’s wrong?” Luffy asks—and the glaring lack of a nickname throws you off a little. “Did you eat something spicy?”

 

“You’re…” he gasps, still staring at you and you now begin to wonder if you’d done something terribly wrong.

 

The door slides open again, Shanks and Zoro appearing together. “Yo, I found Zoro wandering around outside! Seems he got lost again!”

 

“I didn’t get lost, I was looking for the bathroom!” Zoro retorts. “…What’s going on here?”

 

But Shanks has stopped moving too, you realize as you look back at the door to see the red-haired man staring at you, much like Law was. The Yonko… _the_ _Yonko_ who stopped the war two years back…he was there.

 

“You guys know each other?” Franky spoke up.

 

The tension in the air was palpable, and you begin to run through a million scenarios in your head when Law speaks up.

 

“That’s Shachi’s hat.” he says, standing up and walking closer to hold his hand out. “Give it back.”

 

Shachi? Was that one of the male nurses at the hospital? Either way, the way he was looking at you like you just murdered his puppy wasn’t something you’d ever seen Law do before and it wasn’t pleasant at all, you discover. You reach up and slowly pull the hat off your head, seeing both Law and Shanks tense up as you do this.

 

“H-here…” you say softly, “Sorry about…taking it?”

 

Shanks steps forward and the look on his face is grave. “ _Monseiur_ _Lemalinroux_ , where did you meet her?”

 

“Hm?” Sanji easily moves himself slightly between you and Shanks. “Just outside. _Un_ _problème_?”

 

“She was with me.” Zoro interjects, also moving forward.

 

You and the rest of the room stare at the four men who seem to be having a completely alien discussion without words among themselves. Perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

 

**— Omni POV, Mugiwara!Zoro:**

 

One minute he was staring at the ocean and the next he was in it, and now…where the hell was he now? Forget that, where the hell was _everyone_ _else_?! You would think that after such a long time of traveling together on the same damn ship they’d know by now to tell him if they were going to up and disappear like that, Zoro thought bitterly as he stopped walking.

 

“Why the hell are those idiots always getting lost?” he half-groaned, half-sighed. “ _Mendoukusei you…_ ”

 

People had been staring at him for awhile now. Well, he was used to that, but it would mean trouble if it was because they knew who he was and just how much his bounty was worth. From what he could sense, though, there weren’t any other pirates in the area, he didn’t need both eyes to see that he was surrounded by civilians. Perhaps the appearance of some marines would give him something to do while he was looking for the cook, pest and surgeon.

 

Things here were strange, where he’d seen a few ‘cars’ between islands being used for rides and trucks to transport goods, there seemed to be an abundance of the vehicles on this island. It must have been a very wealthy port. They came in all shapes and sizes, some bright yellow and blue and others more grey and black and white. One car was making a particularly loud noise and had lights of red and blue flashing from the top. It stopped at the side of the path he was walking, and the door opened.

 

“Deputy Commissioner!” it was Tashigi!

 

“Heh. I didn’t think you’d find us so quickly after Punk Hazard.” Zoro remarked. “You still itching for a fight, _kono nisemono kensh_ i?”

 

“Eh? _Nanii o itte iru_?” **(A/N: What are you saying?)** Tashigi’s brows furrowed together as she examined the man up and down. Her jaw dropped in horror and her eyes went wide with panic. “ _Keiga shite o_! _Nanii ga okkota_?!” **(A/N: You’re hurt! What happened to you?!)**

 

Tashigi had received the dispatcher call of reports of an unidentified man walking the streets with what looked to be some very authentic dangerous weapons. To think that it would be her very own partner was only somewhat surprising—it wasn’t the first time that his _bokken_ were mistaken for the real thing. Zoro’s days off were mostly spent between his friends and his training with Mihawk. Commissioner Smoker did have to remind him a couple times not to show his equipment in public, so he normally kept them in a case. The sight before her now however, convinced her that something wasn’t quite right.

 

“Ah?” Zoro looked down at himself—he felt fine, there was no blood. “ _Nanda omae no tsuiteru ka_?” **(A/N: The hell are you talking about? - roughly translated, I’m not Japanese, _yurushite_.)**

 

She pointed out the long, frightening incision that ran from his upper left pectoral all the way down to his stomach, across every one of his abdominal muscles, disappearing under the _haramaki_. Like he had nearly been bisected. In her panic, Tashigi hadn’t noticed that the incision was actually an old scar. What she did notice, however, was the other laceration, running straight up and down Zoro’s left eye, which sent her into an even greater alarm.

 

“ _Kiteru yo_!” she shrieked the demand, grabbing Zoro by the arm. “We’ll get Doctor Chopper to look at you!”

 

At the action, Zoro suspected there was something off about the women he knew was a marine, so at the mention of Chopper’s name, Zoro’s red flags went up instantaneously. He yanked his arm away from her, taking a couple steps back, hand on the hilt of _Meito_ _Shusui_.

 

“ _Kisama…omae wa dare da_?” his eyed the woman, menace in his eyes. **(A/N: You…who the fuck are you?)**

 

Tashigi’s whole being shivered with a feeling she could not identify, but it shook her to the very core, and made her knees buckle. She fell to the ground, gasping—that’s when Coby exited the passenger’s side of the car. He’d been watching the whole thing calmly (thinking it was a routine call on their local Deputy’s blunder again), until of course he saw the exchange between the two.

 

“Captain Tashigi!” he managed to catch her just as she was about to faint supporting her in both arms. “Deputy Commissioner, what did you do?!”

 

Zoro leered at Coby with the same apprehensiveness he felt towards Tashigi. There was something definitely wrong with this, not just the situation, but now that he concentrated on it, there was something definitely wrong about the feel of this whole place! Just what kind of island had they washed up on? Were the others there, or had they ended up somewhere else entirely? Shit…thinking wasn’t one of Zoro’s strong points, how troublesome!

 

“I don’t know who you are…” Zoro replied, head tilting forward to direct his full, one-eyed gaze at Coby. “And I don’t know what you’re trying to pull…but if you want to live, you’ll get out of my sight.”

 

Coby shivered, his body suddenly stiffening with a super-saturation of killing intent, emanating from the swordsman’s gaze. Zoro hadn’t even moved to draw his katana, but already, Coby could feel himself shaking, his joints threatening to turn into jelly.

 

“ _NOW_!” Zoro roared.

 

Coby sprang to his feet in sheer terror, Tashigi in his arms. With a strength he didn’t know he possessed, he hauled her into the patrol car, managing to clamber in with her still in his lap, and driving off. The car swerved left and right, narrowly missing other drivers in its haste to get away from _that_ _fucking_ _green_ _MONSTER_ as fast as possible!

 

The fumes and exhaust from the strange, red and blue car now gone, Zoro yawned and shrugged his shoulders, stretching his neck muscles. “Haaaaaah… _saa te to…kono yarou-domo wa doko itendarou_?” **(A/N: Now then…where are those damn bastards at?)**

 

Pedestrians all scattered as the man trudged his way down the sidewalk, and away. Now back to his first problem… seriously, where the _FUCK_ was everyone else?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was fun! Looks like you're quite in an awkward situation huh?! And I'm SUUUUUUUPER sorry about tossing Marineford at you like that, but hey, when life gives you lemons? No?
> 
> I miss Ace okay? ):
> 
> As always, thank you SO SO MUCH to my Imouto-chan shitcook-idiotswordsman for beta-ing for me! I keep on making the same mistakes over and over and I'm so sorry you have to remind me every chapter! >///n///


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